69 Thoughts I Had While Watching Recovery Road (01×01: Blackout)

1. So what were the chances that her head was just very close to that sprinkler rather than directly over it? I know they’re probably spread out pretty far from each other, but she was still pretty close to it in order for the water AND the sound to scare her awake.
2. Okay, how old is this girl? 14?
3. When is this show set? The fashion was okay, but that hair… Do people still wear denim jackets?
4. Vodka in a water bottle. Busted! And she gets a Breathalyzer test! Ha!
5. Shouldn’t that principal wipe down that Breathalyzer after use? I suppose she could’ve done it before the girl blew into it, but after she used it, she just placed it back inside her drawer. I mean, where are her germs supposed to go? That’s pretty unsanitary behavior for a– .12 BAC?!
6. NOW I KNOW WHERE THAT PRINCIPAL’S FROM!! She’s the bitch who broke up Owen and Cristina’s marriage on “Grey’s Anatomy”. I think.
7. “Headmaster”? You’re not the principal?
8. The main character’s name is Maddie. Was this mentioned before? I didn’t catch it then.
9. Just before she leaves her mom behind, dramatic “Are you really going to make me do this???” staring. Conversation happens through eye contact.
10. While she was detoxing, a montage is used to show us what she does in order to wait out her withdrawal symptoms. (Although she was only drunk, right? Hydration and rest cure the hangovers.) Toward the end of it, she uses her finger to tap on the center of her Jello and all I can think is, “Penetration.”
11. Are those five stages of teenage grief happening in one road trip? And…why did the letters “acceptance” just fly out the window as she rolled it open? Was that supposed to be cute? Dramatic? Artistic?
12. The counselor looks like a British Drake Bell.
13. Maddie reminds me of a young Sara Ramirez (Callie on “Grey’s Anatomy”). Even weirder is her mom reminds me of Kerry Washington, who plays the lead role in “Scandal”. #Shondaland
14. Okay, apparently, this is set in the 21^st Century, judging by the way that Maddie is so addicted to her cell phone. If that’s the case, who was in charge of costumes for this thing?
15. “Based on the novel by Blake Nelson”. Isn’t that the actor from “Holes”? (Wikipedias “Holes”) Nope, that’s TIM Blake Nelson.
16. DAMIAN, IS THAT YOU????? LAST TIME I SAW YOU, I WAS PLAYING “MEAN GIRLS: SENIOR YEAR” ON “EPISODES”!!! I wasn’t going to be committed to this show, but now that you’re on—I MISSED YOU!!!
17. Who the hell hides something in a piano? IT IS A BEAUTIFUL MUSICAL INSTRUMENT!! If you want to hide something, find another place for it!
18. Vern: You know the difference between right and wrong, right? Maddie: If I did, would I be here? Me: Point taken.
19. Rebecca: Maddie Graham. Maddie: Rebecca Granger. (Somewhere Far, Far Away, a voice cries, “DONKEY!”)
20. Rebecca: I suppose it was only a matter of time. Trish: Wait, so you two know each other? Me: No, they’re just saying that to mess with you. All that tension is so fake. You fell for it, right?
21. So the mystery of what happened between these two will either be revealed later this episode or it’ll last half a season.
22. Could Trish be that clueless? I mean, is anybody THAT clueless? There was so much tension you couldn’t melt it with Elsa’s love. #Frozen
23. Rebecca: I guess what I regret the most is how my ugly past keeps coming back to haunt me. (Glares at Maddie.) Me: Girl, did she just call you ugly?
24. The guy with the relapse dreams…Maddie wants him. If something happens between her and someone in that house, it’s him.
25. Counselor: At group, we introduce ourselves by saying, “Hi, I’m whomever and I’m an alcoholic.” Me: Don’t tell me she’s going to call herself “whomev—“ Yep, I totally called that. Counselor: Very good, very good. I haven’t heard that one before. Me: Seriously? He’s only saying that to patronize her, right?
26. “Springtime Meadows” …so…hippie-like. A cool…breezy name.
27. The parting gift was a nice touch. It shows that they became a family there and hopefully shows that the group will show the same for Maddie. Except for Rebecca, of course.
28. Relapse Dream (locks eyes with her before he leaves the room): Welcome to the fun house. (She awkwardly looks away.) Me: See? Anyone wanna place bets on when they’re gonna kiss? My guess is her feelings are gonna build up first. Then, in the middle of the season, so will his. Then, they go through a dramatic “OMG, you love me too?” episode and then they’ll kiss in the season finale.
29. It’s the middle of the night and there’s a light in the hallway that’s very clearly on, but you wouldn’t think so by the way the hallway is still dark. In fact, it merely serves as a nightlight.
30. Okay, so she sees a random guy sitting there, doesn’t freak out, and is, instead, comforted by his presence. We find out he’s her dad, but, seeing as how it was clarified that he had died, in the previous scene, she still doesn’t find it odd that she sees him? Let alone, is having an actual conversation with the guy?
31. Oh, got it. Dream.
32. I feel like the horn on the unicorn is a safety hazard. All I can think about is jabbing someone in the eye with it. By accident.
33. PUNCH BUGGY, NO PUNCH BACK!!!
34. Maddie: Did you ever consider that the reason why I was drinking in school was because it’s so insufferably boring? Me: Can I punch this girl?
35. Okay, so she DID do something that merited the withdrawal symptoms. But drinking half a water bottle full of vodka wouldn’t require a 24-hour detox period, would it? The principal lady couldn’t have known the drugs. She only found the alcohol.
36. She randomly sings “Jesus is my savior” when the song was nowhere near that point on the radio. I don’t get why scripted shows sometimes do that. If I’m singing along with the radio, I’m gonna sing it where it’s playing from the speakers.
37. She was NOT the principal. She was the guidance counselor. Duly noted.
38. Those license plates. “2FAN321”?
39. Do they really think that “Find My Device” is gonna work? Would it work if the laptop is closed? And the sound waves are probably barricaded by, not only the windows, but the distance—she has no idea where her freaking car is so how are they going to trace the sound?
40. That girl’s a bad influence on you, Relapse Dreamer.
41. He looks a bit like Nick from “New Girl”. Sounds like him, too.
42. If they jump to the future and it turns out they still hang out, their adult versions should be played by Jake Johnson and Sara Ramirez. Just a random thought.
43. She actually bought a new bottle of vodka to share with a roommate from her rehab household? And I thought Trish was the idiot. No, Maddie’s not an idiot. She’s an addict. The compulsion to buy alcohol was too strong. Then… “Hoss”? There’s no Hoss on IMDb. Looked up the actor on Google Images. The character’s name is Wes. Then Wes was there to stop her from feeding her own addiction.
44. Maddie: Why do you care? You don’t know me. Vern: One day, you’re going to have a moment like this with someone else, sharing your experience. That’s how it works. And it does work. Me: Aww…Damian. Please don’t somehow fall off the wagon and die.
45. Counselor Craig and Wes are now alone in his office and staring intently at each other. Me: Now…KISS!!!
46. Craig: I can tell you like her, Wes. Me: Well, THAT came sooner than expected.
47. Craig: You and Maddie can’t happen. It’ll steer you away from the program. Possibly Maddie, too. Me: Great. Now, you’re gonna want each other more. If they can’t feed their addictions, they’ll probably grow addicted to each other! That’s where their relationship is headed, isn’t it?
48. Okay, so the Mom used “Find My Device”? I’m still not understanding how she managed to hear the sound, even if the feature works with a sleeping laptop. It was in her backpack, which was in her car. However, she found the car couldn’t have involved “Find My Device”. In fact, the only way should could’ve found the car, and therefore the backpack, is if she’d driven around to find it.
49. Maddie’s reading Moby Dick. All I can think about is this scene in “Carrie the Musical”, which I was in. Teacher: Class, brush up on your Moby Dick! We might have a pop quiz on Thursday. Classmate 1: Hehehe. DICK! Classmate 2: I’ll brush up on YOUR Moby Dick! (I hope they don’t mind I stole those jokes and posted them on here! Haha!)
50. A condom was found in the front seat of Maddie’s car even though she said that she was still a virgin by choice. Wait, so…Zack was having sex with another girl…in his girlfriend’s car? Is that the story they’re implying here? All guys can’t be assholes like that. Whenever they’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have sex, they have to fulfill their sexual needs somewhere else?! “Hi, my name is Zack and I’m addicted to sex!”
51. Even worse: by the sound of Maddie crying in the next scene, they seemed pretty close even though she didn’t even kiss him hello or goodbye during his one scene.
52. Maddie was holding onto the unicorn and had her forehead pressed up against it. Seriously. That’s a hazard. Someone could lose an eye if they’re not paying attention.
53. Oh! The condom could’ve been another guy’s and she’s worried that he used it on her. Zack was watching his brother that night. Okay. Sorry for calling you an asshole and a sex addict, Zack! Um…stay in school.
54. They discuss the possibility that she was raped, especially since she was too wasted to remember. It took “Switched at Birth” three-and-a-half years to talk about that fine line that is consent. They made a big deal about it because it’s still such a big issue, but this brand-new show is still only developing. I feel like it’s too soon to bring it up if it turns out it’s not a part of this character’s story.
55. Oh…my God…that’s why the guidance counselor is so invested in getting Maddie better… Okay, I’m starting to like this woman. But only in this show. I can’t forgive her for what she did on “Grey’s Anatomy”. We don’t even know her name in that show. I just know her as “Bitch-Who-Ruined-Cristowen’s-Marriage”. (Did they ever have a couple’s name? Or did people think that Yang would’ve hated the idea?)
56. “Nice to meet you, too…CYNTHIA…”
57. How does this teenager know about “believe you me”? I still don’t get how it’s grammatically correct, but it’s not a phrase often used nowadays. Shouldn’t she say “believe me” or “trust me”? I know we don’t know her very well right now, but I feel as if that term, in general, just doesn’t exist nowadays. I don’t know. It’s not my story.
58. Ooh, Cynthia digs out her phone right after talking to Maddie in order to talk to a secret someone who’s probably just using her to get to Maddie???
59. Just Maddie’s mom.
60. Mom: How could I not have known? Me: Does every mother say this whenever they catch their child doing something troubling? She’s saying it, my own mother said it, I think the mom from “Cyberbully” said it, too. It seems to be a very common parental expression in situations like this.
61. Aww…Maddie was a daddy’s girl.
62. How did the mother know to check Maddie’s locker? Maternal instinct? Or was all that drug paraphernalia found before she got busted and she was just never home to see it?
63. He’s gone for, what, a couple days, and he’s already fallen off the wagon? So I’m guessing that means he’s staying on the show.
64. Doug: You guys think you’re all so…fricking great. Me: Let’s face it. He would’ve said the other word, but this is ABC Family (soon-to-be Freeform, for some reason).
65. Wait, what was Cynthia doing with the roommate who stabbed her husband? Oh, never mind. Just another roommate who looks like her. I thought they were former AA buddies or something and they were catching up. Or doing other stuff. 😉
66. Never mind…Doug is probably going to be in jail. I doubt he’d live there again since it worked so well the first time.
67. Yay! She’s journaling! I love keeping journals!
68. Aww…she already has a family under that roof. She’s got a bike and Damian is gonna teach you how to ride the damn thing! They’re ALL teaching her! Even Craig! Why am I so excited about that?
69. So I’m getting the feeling that this Maddie is supposed to be like Callie from “The Fosters”: not necessarily a goody-two-shoes, but not completely bad either. She only wants to survive. This show will probably delve deep into the addict’s life and figure out how this character can stay sober through the people she lives with.