46 Thoughts I Had While Watching Switched at Birth (01×03: Portraits of My Father)

1. LOL “I’m the switched girl who can hear…” Sassy Bay’s gonna be sassy.
2. Did Ryan just point out the word “bitch”? Ryan Evans, you take your dirty mouth, go back to Sharpay, and practice that number you’re gonna do for the whatever show.
3. Hey! Carmelo Anthony! I know nothing about basketball, but I’ve seen him on Aaron Tveit’s second SVU episode. Aaron’s my husband.
4. (John gives Daphne advice on shooting better and she gives it a shot and scores.) Me: You’re welcome. (In reference to the Melissa & Joey pilot where Joe gave Ryder a piece of basketball advice that worked.)
5. Yay…fellow rich lady friend. Well, not lady friend…
6. “Is your new maid a live-in?” Me: -_- Again: yay…fellow rich lady friend.
7. Rich friend: Who is she [Regina] then? Bay: Yeah, Mom. Who is she? Me: No pressure…
8. Regina ASL Captions: It’s the way of the WASPs. Her signing as I interpret it: WAY (of the) TALL PEOPLE… WASP stands for “White, Anglo-Saxon Protestant”… I guess that really translates to BIG PEOPLE as in by status.
9. Regina just signed, “NOT FRIENDS…?” (The “…?” was part of her signing, not me trying to figure out what she’s saying.) It’s weird that I didn’t see it in the captions. I don’t think so anyway. I mean, it’s not huge, but you never know.
10. Haha! Kathryn’s reaction when Regina said, “Feel free to stop by if you wanna do something about those bangs!” Like, “What’s wrong with my bangs?”
11. Bay: I love this place it’s just so…authentic. Ty: That’s what rich people say when a building is rundown.
12. Bay: Did you ever get to meet Daphne’s dad? I mean, my dad? Me: Yeah, there’s gonna be a lot of that “yours-technically-mine” talk.
13. I LOVE YOU, MARLEE MATLIN!!!
14. How did Melody’s interpreter know specifically to say “John Kennish”? I don’t think it’d take a millisecond to spell it out. Plus, Melody already gave him a name sign? I know that whatever she knows about him was through Regina (although I don’t think it’s been revealed yet that they are close friends). I think part of the rule about Deaf people giving name signs is that they also must meet the person to get a feel of who they are before presenting their name sign.
15. So basically, when Melody said “I can’t just let Daphne leave with anybody”, she was just having a bit of fun, pretending she didn’t know. Clever… Well, at least she’s honest about it. 😛
16. Kathryn’s new bangs sort of annoy me… Coming from someone who only washes and brushes her own hair, therefore has no expertise on hairstyling whatsoever, I think the bangs looked perfectly fine before.
17. “I didn’t know how to shop for Daphne—what she likes or doesn’t like…so I bought everything.” Me: Rich people…
18. Kathryn: You could cultivate a new clientele right here in Mission Hills. And they’re really big tippers. Regina: (Drools)
19. What makes you think the car engine’s gonna turn over when you did nothing to change the situation, Ty? I get you want to look macho in front of your new girlfriend or whatever, but…if you don’t make changes to improve the situation, you’re gonna get the same results.
20. H.A. Who’s H.A.?
21. Aww…I guess Daddy’s too busy bonding with his bio daughter that he forgot about your curfew.
22. You signed TODAY, Regina, not just TONIGHT. You need your dominant hand to create the sunset in order to make it NIGHT.
23. Looks like Daphne loves the brand new clothes. Sorry, Regina…
24. I think this is the only time we ever see her with a videophone, like, ever. I haven’t noticed it in the background after this episode. It’s only significant in this scene because Liam’s first (and probably only) experience with this videophone stuff is probably also the audience’s first time witnessing it in use. The interpreter also talks to Liam, dude-to-dude, which adds more humor to the conversation. Now, they just FaceTime in order to sign. Communication is still possible without signing as long as the Deaf person can see the person’s lips.
25. After they hung up, I bet the interpreter was like, “Ooh, damn…you done fucked up, boy.”
26. Haha! Regina’s face when Kathryn lied about her last job!
27. Okay, let’s see if I remember my Spanish. It was so long ago. Like, half a year ago. I remember my ASL more, oddly enough. Probably because it’s a visual language. La sala…that’s…(Googles it) “room”. And la cocina… “kitchen”? Yes! She says, “The room! Clearly, the kitchen is for cooking”? Not sure if I got the right claro.
28. I keep getting this actress confused with the one who was on Scrubs (who played Donald Faison’s wife). This one was Ben’s teacher on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (whose name was Jenny Boone). I remember now.
29. Denise: The Kennishes aren’t taking any boarders, are they? Not having any…financial problems? Me: Did she just ask if they were taking in illegals from across the border…? I don’t think so… Illegal aliens don’t really have that kind of money, or else they wouldn’t be crossing in the first place (depending on the situation).
30. (Knock, knock) Bay: Come in! (Silence) Me: It’s Daphne, isn’t it? Sometimes, you forget as the audience that she’s Deaf.
31. “Whoa, that’s a lot of lilac!” If you don’t want the outfit, I’d be more than happy to take it off your hands.
32. Daphne: He just had no interest in being my dad. Bay: Well, he may not have been interested in being your dad, but he might’ve had a better chance with me. Me: Ooh…
33. Did Kathryn just write the letter “N” in the air when she said “Emmett”?
34. So sometimes FAMILIAR can be signed as KNOW. Duly noted.
35. Regina’s line was, “Proud of yourself, Dr. Freud?” I’m not sure what Melody signed. It looked like fingerspelling: F-K-U-D? …I don’t think she spelled out “Freud”.
36. Rich people and their own personal bars.
37. Kathryn: Daphne’s a teenager. As human, as flawed as… Me: “You and me”. Kathryn: Bay. Me: Oh.
38. That’s one good thing I don’t miss about being in a relationship. The hoping that he’ll make it this time, but something always comes up. Makes you think it’s not meant-to-be because of the constant disappointment.
39. I’m laughing throughout Emmett’s monologue about not dating Hearing girls.
40. That might be too big of an emphasis on the word “Deaf”, Emmett.
41. Melody is so cool. Can she do that? Just delegate her job to someone else? I mean, they’re sharing the responsibilities, so it’s not like she’s completely giving up her job. She’s the boss, so I suppose she can do whatever she wants.
42. That’s an interesting art piece. What is that called? Tape…painting? It’s very abstract. Yeah, you can tell I’m very uneducated in the art business unless you’re talking about theatre or music.
43. “Baby”? Are they close enough for that yet?
44. “Ladies, come on! Let’s get our heads in the game!” Ryan Evans: We gotta get our, get our, get our, get our heads in the game!
45. Look at John, pretending to care about art.
46. That’s what I like about art. The artist is free to create anything they want—whether it’s random, or inspirational—and yet, it’s still up for interpretation. It can sometimes work for music, and definitely theatre.

48 Thoughts I Had While Watching Switched at Birth (01×02: American Gothic)

1. “Finally living the glam life, homies.”
2. Bay’s sarcasm = perfection
3. So, she didn’t know what the hell popovers were, yet she knew the exact sign? How does that work? I mean, apparently, she got it right. Daphne said (and signed) enthusiastically, “I love popovers!”
4. Why did they leave us out of that obviously hilarious family conversation? Oh, right. They want us to feel like Daphne because she can’t hear it either.
5. Aw, that’s sort of heartbreaking! They keep saying the word “rhubarb” and she has to taste it in order to understand that it’s rhubarb.
6. “Emmett, this is Bay.” Zing!! (Ever since “Hotel Transylvania”, I’ve just been saying “zing” whenever two people have a special)
7. Huh, Kathryn’s sign for “together” was pretty close. I mean, it’s probably the non-ASL way of signing “dating”, but it was decent! I just noticed that.
8. If I remember correctly, that first Deaf kid you see? The darker haired one? He’s in Deaf Awakening. I know that another Carlton student does (you’ll see him later), along with Marlee Matlin. (Yes, Marlee Matlin will be on this show really soon!)
9. It looks like Kathryn just got back from a nice run. Why isn’t she sweatier then? And, btw, they have their own exercise room. Not really relevant to the story, but she could’ve also used a treadmill. Rich people!
10. John: The woman who can control Daphne’s ability to be on that motorcycle is 50 feet that way. Take it up with her. Kathryn: Can you do it? John: Nuh-uh. You want her off so bad, you do it. Me: But you want her off the bike, too, don’t you, Dad?
11. “We were on a break!!”
12. I’m sort of with Kathryn on this one: while she gets to live in her own house, Regina still should have asked their permission to make drastic changes, because it is still their property. They’re just letting them borrow the entire house. Shouldn’t she still respect the people who are lending it to her, rent-free? If I were Kathryn, even if I wasn’t going to see the inside of that house everyday, I would’ve still liked to be asked. If not for permission, then at least a notification.
13. Looks like someone’s jelly-belly. (Wtf, did I really just say “jelly-belly”?)
14. Yeah, Regina is more of the practical mother when it comes to disciplining her children. Well, child.
15. They’re already treating Daphne like the younger sister! That’s adorable!
16. “Ooh! It’s Ty! Quick! Pretend you’re busy working!”
17. Ty: I just dropped by to bring you your mail. Regina: Oh, that’s so sweet! Especially since it’s just coupons and junk mail. Me: Ooh! Somebody has a thing for Bay! Or Regina! Probably just Bay.
18. Me-owch!
19. Regina’s trying so hard so they can try to be a normal family even though they barely know each other! (Through clenched teeth) Sooooooo awkward……
20. That was so beautiful, Daphne!
21. Uh-oh.
22. Me trying to read Regina: PLEASE. (sign that means EQUAL, I think, but not really EXACTLY) BOTH??? If I actually gave that line some thought, I would’ve gone with something like: PLEASE…EXACTLY YOU TELL.
23. Okay, so for “what are the things that are open for discussion?”, I’m getting: the camera doesn’t show “what are the things”, but then, it’s WANT…SOMETIMES? She’s doing something in the palm of her left hand that, I think involves one finger. Jeez, why not just say TALK? It’d be much simpler.
24. I just looked it up. It’s DEBATE. Except, it’s pretty much SOMETIMES, but with much larger movement.
25. This isn’t CC’d, but Daphne says, PLEASE STOP. And you can sense her desire to beg her mother to calm down, thanks to the eyes, which are a big part of signing.
26. Regina: The sheer number of toys these kids have! Toby: This is not gonna end well for us. Me: LOL.
27. Daphne: MOM! Regina: WHY YOURSELF YOU something. YOU KNOW something, something, something. Regina: I’m saying she likes riding with Emmett. Me: No, you didn’t. The camera missed a lot of what you said, but I know that, based on the tone of your signing, Emmett was not mentioned.
28. Regina: Don’t tell me there are guns in this house. Me: Well, he is a white, male Republican. No, I’m not judging here. I’ve seen this entire show. In fact, I wanted him to say he was politically liberal, but…at least he’s not vocal enough about his opinions to the point where it pisses me off, so I actually respect him for that. Aaaaaand the Black Lives Matter revolutionaries have just added me to their hit list.
29. Welp…dinner was a total disaster and it hadn’t even hit the five-minute mark.
30. “…make the best of it” = ACCEPT-IT
31. Regina, you’re pretty arrogant, too.
32. He’s not even looking at the frets or the strings!
33. Have you ever noticed that Hispanic people (the ones who speak fluent Spanish) sort of…over-articulate certain words? Like when Regina said “Daphne is mine”, the vocal tone of the “mine” seemed…familiar. Like you could tell that she’s Hispanic. I’m not quite sure what I’m getting at, but I’ve never heard anyone mention it till now.
34. I think a couple years ago, I used to get Ty mixed up with Caleb from Pretty Little Liars. Now that I’ve been binging that show, I’m starting to wonder why.
35. Aw…Ty’s falling in love.
36. Hey, nobody said anything about a date.
37. “Ice and donuts”?
38. Oh look, these douchebags. Except they’re just playing around. They don’t know any better, really.
39. I like how the camera didn’t show what the black friend did to his crotch. Like, “Nooooope. This is ABC Family.”
40. Daphne, you clever goose!
41. Bay: Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Me: “Because you’re so special.” Ty: Then what would you have to paint about? Me: Ty…out-lining me.
42. They’re totally about to kiss.
43. CCs: You can say it. Me: Actually, she said GO-AHEAD. TELL ME.
44. Busted…
45. Regina repeated the LEARN sign for “educated”, which is fine, but the dominant hand is supposed to go all the way up to the forehead because that’s where the brain is. You’re taking the information from your book (non-dominant hand) and transferring it to your head. Get it? When she signed it, her hand only went to her chin. It could be because she had to sign it quickly, but I suppose she didn’t really have to sign it three times: BEFORE I LEARNED…
46. Just noticed this: after Daphne has the polite talk about slowing down when they speak in front of her, Emmett shows up through the back door, which is behind her. When she turns around to see, John is about to say, “Your friend is here”, but his voice trails away because he knows she can’t hear a word.
47. I don’t completely agree, but okay. They’re the parents here.
48. “She’s hiding something.” Really? That’s what you immediately go to when she says she doesn’t want to pursue the lawsuit? I mean, she is, but you shouldn’t assume that. Some people just want to let go of the past and they don’t care about the money they could earn.

100 Thoughts I Had While Watching Switched at Birth (01×01: This Is Not a Pipe)

1. When the bio teacher says “tongues”, it doesn’t match up to what she’s saying. What’s up with that?
2. “Excellent tongue control, Liam. It’s good to know for our future.” Me: (Coughs uncomfortably.)
3. Bay looks 16, so her casting was pretty accurate. The guy who plays Liam, on the other hand, played a doctor on “Grey’s Anatomy” a couple years ago. Because of this, I feel like they have a significant age gap.
4. If I had brought up the idea that I was a mutant from another planet, my older brother would’ve said, “That would explain so much.” What kind of brother is Toby? Not taking that as an opportunity to diss his little sis.
5. Bay’s right, John. “Blood don’t lie”, so it can’t be a mistake.
6. Blegh. Blood.
7. Why does the hand at the telephone spell R? Like, is it supposed to be RING, RING? Two R’s also means RESTROOM, but I doubt that’s it. It could be because her name is Regina, but that’s the mom’s name, not the Deaf daughter’s. Shaking the R also means READY, but I don’t think that’s it either. (I took American Sign Language up to level IV, so I’m familiar with the culture.)
8. So when the genetic counselor introduces Daphne and Bay, why doesn’t Regina interpret for her? I know they want to hold off on the ASL till Daphne signs and speaks for that dramatic reveal, but…well, I guess it’s not too impossible. She can read lips, but why does Regina not interpret anyway? Perhaps Daphne specifically asked her not to until she signed first?
9. DUN-DUN-DUH!!! Daphne is actually “DEAF-ne”! (I’ve wanted to make that joke for years, but I’ve never had the right time.)
10. I still love the opening credits and how “Switched” and “Birth” literally switch places. Even after half a decade.
11. You expect Regina to be more fluent in ASL since she’s known the language for as long as Daphne has, and she is best friends with a Deaf woman. Her signing has always been choppy to the point where I’m grateful that—you know what? That’s a spoiler way ahead of this episode. But, I mean, Regina’s fluent, but she’s never had a nice flow to her signing. Do you see what I mean? With Daphne, it’s natural, but Regina seems like she’s still rocky. Obviously, the actress can’t possibly be too confident in her ASL because she probably just learned it during the past few months, but if you want to portray the character realistically, you have to at least pretend that you know what you’re doing, right? She tried though. I’m getting that. And that’s what matters.
12. Hm…Daphne signed WASHES (probably), but not CAR. But I mean, she said “car washes”.
13. “No matter how loud you yell, she still can’t hear you.” Haha. I learned in ASL class that it’s rude not to sign what you’re speaking when you’re having a vocal conversation. It’s like witnessing two people speaking a foreign language that you can’t understand, only Deaf people can’t sense your tone so they have no idea if you’re talking about them or how you feel about them. So why didn’t Regina interpret that either?
14. He said “two NEW car washes”, Regina. You forgot to sign NEW! …But is that important?
15. I was about to question why Daphne wasn’t signing, but she’s the only Deaf person there. They’d be able to understand her.
16. When you’re talking about age, Regina, you always start from the chin. That’s your indication that you’re mentioning a person’s age. Why am I such a stickler for these rules? Daphne’s probably used to her signing anyway.
17. I love Daphne’s interpretation of the chicken factory! When you’re signing stories like that, it’s intended to be so dramatic. I think that’s why ASL and my theatre major go hand-in-hand. (Speaking of which, look up “Deaf Awakening”. It’s Spring Awakening, but with signing. It’s awesome! Sorry, I love theatre, too. Deaf Awakening is just a combination of both.)
18. I like how Regina was already about to sign NEAR a second after actually saying it. When she’s speaking, she implies hesitation, meaning she’s still thinking about what to say, but she jumped right into the signing. When you’re signing something, your brain can comprehend what you’re saying and signing at a pretty close rate. When you’re doing both at the same time, you tend to align your signs with your speech.
19. I made that meme a long time ago, but wasted half an hour looking for it. I have no clue what happened to it so I made another one instead.
20. How does “Daphne” come from “Daniel”? Isn’t the female version of the name “Danielle”? Or, if you wanted to fancy it up a bit, “Daniella”?
21. Daphne: I think “Bay” is a beautiful name. Bay: Of course you do. Me: Aaaaand what the hell does that mean?
22. Awkward silence.
23. Kathryn: Make yourself at home. Pretend it’s your house. Toby: Because technically, it is. Me: Crick-et, crick-et…
24. That seems like a little too much effort, don’t you think? Don’t make her feel like she’s a bother just because you’re so anxious to treat her like your own daughter.
25. Ahh…what would have been.
26. I like how Toby says that he’s out of there like there’s someplace he needs to be and then the first thing that comes out of Kathryn’s mouth is, “Would you show Daphne around?” I mean, what if he had his own plans to be someplace?
27. Tennis courts? Like, plural? That makes sense, because rich people. Our family friends, who are a couple and are both doctors, have their own basketball court. Actually, it’s a half-court. Oh, and their own elevator. A freaking ELEVATOR. And they built both of them in. They didn’t come with the house. They added them to the house. Rich people.
28. And then Daphne challenges Toby to a basketball game! Like, Toby just said he was going somewhere! Apparently, his presence at the other place wasn’t that dire!
29. “You can talk as much trash as you want. I can’t see your lips, I can’t hear you.” Well, that almost doesn’t seem fair, man!
30. Well, her signing may still be rocky, but at least Regina sounds like she knows exactly what she’s talking about when discussing Daphne’s deafness. So there’s that point for you, Constance Marie.
31. I get that she feels a small sense of judgment coming from Daphne’s biological parents, but Regina treats them so harshly and so easily. Like, what’s with the glares and that tone? They’re just asking you questions about how their daughter became Deaf.
32. Regina’s line was “I’m going.” The signs I’m reading are I’M LEAVING. (AROUND? AREA?) Her pointer finger made a circular movement that indicated something about the space.
33. And her, Ks, man…it still seems so unstable. Straighten it up! Make it more confident!
34. What? Your middle name isn’t Paloma. Just because Daphne’s a vegetarian doesn’t mean you would’ve been. But the rest of that was true.
35. For some reason, this wasn’t CC’d, but Regina said, COME INSIDE. IT’S COLD. SCHOOL TOMORROW. Then, you could probably guess that Daphne gave her the universal sign for “one minute”.
36. Yep, doesn’t matter how loudly you call after her. She’s still Deaf.
37. Random yet typical noises one would hear if they could, which John wants Daphne to experience.
38. Staring dramatically at the front door of his biological daughter’s home.
39. Dude, was that supposed to be Toby holding baby Bay???
40. A 16-year-old girl has an identity crisis and it’s not a phase. It’s legit.
41. I’m not a big piercer unless it’s of the ears, but that stud in her nose would’ve looked cuter as a diamond. That’s my opinion anyway.
42. Bay is really trying at this rebel phase thing, but I’m not seeing it. I doubt she’s allowed to light cigarette that indoors, is she?
43. Kathryn: What are you doing? Bay: Just living the life I was supposed to live. Me: With your logic, you’re saying that everything about Daphne would’ve been you, but Daphne doesn’t smoke. She doesn’t have a pierced nose. I’m not much of a psychiatrist, but I think someone needs Mommy and Daddy’s attention.
44. I really like this debate between John and Regina because it shows both sides of the cochlear implant conversation. It definitely feels realistic to me, considering the fact that once you have the surgery done, you can’t go back. It can’t be undone, so it’s a one-shot thing. That’s why it’s so controversial within families: if the child ends up not liking it, they can’t just quit like it’s some forced hobby.
45. Her: She’s my daughter. Him: She’s my daughter, too. Me: And you’ve never even slept together!
46. The first-ever completely signed conversation! #CueDeafApplause
47. I wish I could turn off these CCs when they sign, so I could practice my comprehension, but then, Netflix adds the captions if I turn them off anyway.
48. Captions: “You caught a virus.” Me: Technically, he signed, YOU BECAME SICK.
49. The background lyrics are literally “I can hear, but I can’t hear.”
50. Liam fingerspelling his name, haha.
51. That’s true. It’s basically Deaf Law. A Deaf person has to give you your name sign. There’s no significant reason, just tradition. I wonder if you can change your name sign though. Mine doesn’t really reflect my personality anymore. Can a Deaf person rename you?
52. Wow, don’t explain to her that the bell rang. Just ditch, why don’t you?
53. Daphne said, “…ask him directly”, but signed ASK HIM YOURSELF. Is that significant? It’s one of those things where the Deaf person knows exactly what they’re saying so they don’t have to sign exactly what they’re saying. As long as the language is still natural for them, it’s not as confusing to mix it up a bit.
54. “It’s just not polite to talk about Deaf people in the third person.” So basically what I said earlier. If there is an interpreter, they should take on that role during conversations.
55. Daphne said, but didn’t sign, “He isn’t actually around Deaf people that often”, but resumes signing after that.
56. Is it “busses” or “buses”? According to Microsoft Word, they’re both words. I think it’s “buses”. The captions said “busses”.
57. Technically, Emmett didn’t say the “my whole life” part. I think. When you’re going to say something involving time (like “everyday” or “for the past five years”), you sign that first. If I can read this correctly: BECAUSE EVERY-WEEK TALK-WITH-MORONS LIKE-YOU?
58. Speaking of which, why is Emmett so ignorant of Toby? Obviously, Toby’s not getting the sarcastic vibe, but Daphne’s like, “WTF?”
59. In one shot, Emmett looked directly at J&K, but in the next, he is facing forward again. It was sorta scary. Like, “Haha, I’ve got your daughter” even though he hasn’t met them yet.
60. She rode her bike all the way to East Riverside? Why not take her car? It certainly would’ve made transporting her template easier.
61. I wonder if Vanessa Marano dabbles in art a little bit. It does sort of seem like she knows what she’s doing.
62. So why does she keep doing street art? Is it a way of public expression? Some sort of cry for help? Artistic recognition?
63. Bay used a fake I.D. to buy alcohol. Okay, I get that. Did she specifically say her name was Daphne or was the person who called Regina being vague by just saying, “Your daughter has just been arrested”?
64. Actually, I’ve never had a fake I.D. You saying I’m a nobody, Bay? Huh?
65. A precinct isn’t really the best place for Battle of the Moms.
66. And I like how none of the cops in the precinct even care. They’re staring, but nobody’s doing anything about it.
67. I’ve always wondered why Daphne had to sign when she was in a room full of Hearing people, but then I thought, “I mutter. I’m sure if my family knew ASL, I’d be using it for them too, so they could understand me more.” I suppose using ASL provides clarity to mispronounced words.
68. In ASL, you have an imaginary, designated box from the top of your head to your chest. That’s your signing area. There is no sign that requires you to reach down your leg or way above your head. This box is called the signing space. You basically have to be Goldilocks when you figure out your own box: not too large, but not too small. Regina’s box, when she explained where Bay could’ve went, was a smidge too big.
69. Hmm…I wonder why Daphne pounded the table to get her mom’s attention. That’s how you get a Deaf person’s attention, but Regina is Hearing. She could just say, “Hey, Mom?” Force of habit, probably.
70. I like how Bay already has a name sign. I don’t think the girls have spent enough time together at all really, for Daphne to give her one. Bay’s name is short enough to fingerspell until she gets her own name sign.
71. Regina’s monologue is so pretty, but way too choppy. Like, that really bothers me. It’s like Glee ruining a song: once released, the atrocity is etched into entertainment history for eternity.
72. HAPPENS took up waaaaaay too much signing space.
73. WANT doesn’t really take up the entire arm. It’s just a teeny elbow gesture.
74. She just signed STUPID with an A handshape. I can sort of see why it’d look like that if she’d used S instead, but the actual sign for “stupid” is the same, but with a V handshape.
75. Signing space. Smaller.
76. RIGHT goes from the chin and onto the other hand. The dominant hand (which is the one that moves) isn’t already there.
77. Yeah, I’m basically just critiquing the mom’s signing now.
78. “Let them love you for who you are…” With that specific camerawork, you just know that refocus on Regina’s hands was intentional. Like, the side angle is a new thing for the signing because that’s where they want the audience to focus on. It’s like a subtle wake-up call.
79. You forgot to sign BE, Regina.
80. Is it really safe for her to be outside in the dark like that? I mean, what were you thinking, Bay? I know Batman searches for trouble to stop at night, but there are still creeps out there who love travelling at night. And you’re the perfect prey!
81. Okay, seriously, Bay! That is very creepy! I mean, is it even worse since Daphne couldn’t even hear her shuffling about outside? That the only thing she could do to understand the situation was see what was happening?
82. Seriously, I think this is their first actual conversation, just the two of them.
83. Daphne: Behind this sweet smile? Axe murderer. Me: Irony, because Bay is Axe GIRL!
84. Daphne: I can hear the beat if the music is loud. Very loud. Me: That’s true. It’s really cute watching Deaf people dancing to music with a strong bass. Most of the time, it’s less about hearing, but more about feeling the vibrations. You find it habitual to tell them to lower the volume because you yourself can hear how badly that could damage their headphones, but they actually need those strong vibrations in order to enjoy music.
85. I know that some Deaf people use oral speech, so I’m wondering how they know the volume of their own voice. When I listen to music, I never realize how loud my voice actually is when I’m speaking. I think I’m talking in mezzo piano, but really, my voice is in forte. Being a singer, you’d think that my voice would know the difference. If I can’t even determine that, how can a person who can’t even distinguish the difference?
86. “I can’t believe I’m Puerto Rican. I’ve been taking French for nine years.” Lol what were the chances?
87. I only took Spanish101, so let’s see if I’ve still got it without thinking of the actual translation which will be stated seconds afterward… “She is exactly…” Yeah, I can’t do that. But Regina said, “For that is…preoccupied”?!
88. From the side, Regina does look like J.Lo, which is fine because Constance Marie once played her mother in Selena even though she is only four years older than J.Lo.
89. “You are stuck with two mothers whether you like it or not.” Me: And they’re not even gay!
90. So rich they have a guest HOUSE. Most people only have guest bedrooms. They have an entire HOUSE devoted to guests.
91. That mover who’s listening to music looks a lot like Jesse Williams, who plays Jackson Avery on “Grey’s Anatomy”.
92. Hehe, oh yeah! The other Kennishes haven’t met Adriana! Well, except for John. So basically, that’s some random Hispanic woman who suddenly thinks that she lives in their guest house.
93. Ironically, the hands on Daphne’s shirt aren’t in ASL. They just wanted to spell out “PEACE”.
94. Regina brings up her sobriety like she actually expected Kathryn to know that. What’s with the attitude, Gina? And she’s not even saying it with pride. It’s like she’s saying, “Thanks for trying to get me to drink, but I’m an alcoholic. Take your booze and shove it up your–” okay, she’s not saying THAT, but close.
95. Her proposal is so reasonable yet I feel like I wouldn’t take it because she said it so bitchy. Like, isn’t that the way the villain in a movie would say something like that? Hahaha! Hey, guys, maybe she could be REGINA George.
96. And now, she brings up her curiosity about her paternity. Understandable.
97. How did Emmett even find the place in a world after MapQuest?! You can’t really place a GPS on the dashboard of your motorbike. Although I suppose now, you can place your phone on something between yourself and the dash. (I saw an iPhone 6 commercial where it was being used as a speedometer for a motorcyclist.)
98. Simple question invites in a cryptic answer.
99. And why was her answer voiced?
100. Dramatic staring off into the distance at the life that could’ve been, which became the life I now have.

63 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×06: Clear Minds, Full Lives, Can’t Eat)

1. Oh…
2. Hey, some people like it when their lovers watch them sleep. Just look at… “Twilight”.
3. “Or maybe I’ll whip something else out for you, babe.” 😉
4. Exactly how does one count a kiss? Is it just one “mwah” or does “mwah-mwah-mwah” count as long as your lips don’t part? I always thought it was one, but some people think it’s the latter.
5. I’m a little surprised by the fact the mom is okay with her daughter staying at her boyfriend’s. I mean, yeah, April is an adult, but that’s still her daughter. It doesn’t matter if it purely was a sleepover, but one can still make assumptions.
6. Has Scott Michael Foster (Leo) ever considered taking out the “Michael” for his stage name? I mean, it’s fine, since it’s his name, but we’re the ones who have to type in his name when we look him up on Google or IMDb and that seems like a lot of hard work.
7. What tears are there to wipe from your eyes, April? Huh? Show me the waterworks!
8. April: So how’s the job search going? Beth: So, as you know, I want a job that I love to do that can become a career. April: I will not let you become a sex worker. Beth: Aww…shut up!
9. What is it? Was it alive?
10. She was “grinding on” a rabbi? Poor guy.
11. ZING!!
12. “He said he loved me too much to watch me die.” Douchebag!
13. KYLE!!!!!!!! I agree, that guy WAS a douchebag! Yeah, we’re on the same team! I love you, Kyle! Sucks you have to play a guy dying of cancer, but I’ve missed you since SMASH!!
14. Sounds like April’s become depressed. Think it’s a PMS thing or the cancer? Probably the cancer.
15. And Leo feels bad…
16. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think I just found another goof: in one shot, Sara’s iPad is being held up by the case, you know how they turn into a triangular prism to elevate one side to make it easier to type on? Next shot, we don’t really see the entire iPad, but enough to see that the cover is, I think, flattened out. Then, in the shot after, it’s back into a triangular prism.
17. “You may not understand because you’re not a parent, George. You made other choices, as we both know.” Um…Sara? What does that mean?
18. Kieran: That guy was so creepy. Me: That vibe was more from the way you kept staring at him wide-eyed when he handed Brenna her order…
19. Aw…Kieran’s jelly.
20. Yeah, sorry, Paul. Can’t do your…butt rabies article.
21. So…the puking. Obviously, it’s from the oysters, but what’s the cancer symptom there? I’m not questioning the reality here; actually asking. Or did they just want an excuse for Graham (and the audience) to assume that April could be pregnant? Especially after all that infertility talk? (NOW, I’m questioning.)
22. You know, you should really brush your teeth after throwing up. The extra puke that gets stuck in your teeth can cause it to decay.
23. Wow, not even gonna rinse out your mouth? Just washing your face? That’s disgusting. That’s your BOYFRIEND’S place.
24. Graham, complaining again. And there’s not even a baby to complain about.
25. Dude, don’t stop at the top of the stairs if you think you’re going to pass out… You might end up dead before the cancer kills you anyway.
26. Just when you thought Leo’s interruption was scripted to try to make the campaign ad funnier and more interesting, the director interrupts him with “CUT!” But I liked that take!
27. “You don’t even have a line.” Oh, then he went WAY off book.
28. Leo: Do you even know anything about the healthcare system? I overheard you asking someone the difference between Medicare and Medicaid and it’s not just the letters. Me: That’s ridiculous! We all know that Medicare is…um…well, Medicaid is…well, they’re different. Yeah, this is why I don’t vote. For the good of the community.
29. Yeah, that Socrates quote didn’t help, but thanks anyway. Appreciate the effort, Kieran.
30. Oohhhhhh……did he just?
31. Lol a text from Mom asking if you’re okay and when you’ll be home. That sounds all too familiar.
32. Also, if you’re sick to the point where you’re barely keeping anything down (oh, that’s why she vomited), shouldn’t April look less…amazing? I feel like she could’ve gone with a little less makeup to, at least show Dominic that she hasn’t been well and he’s just blind to it. Hollywood.
33. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be an adult and have your parents treat you like a child?” Me: Yes. 24/7.
34. “Please, you ARE a child.” Me: Yes. 24/7.
35. Is that the first time Leo officially calls her “Cancer Friend”?
36. How come the passenger’s helmet doesn’t have a windshield? Do they expect wind to just be blocked by the driver’s body? Wait…does that seriously work?
37. Motorcycles aren’t my thing. One, WAY too ticklish. All you have to do is look at me and, if I know you’re thinking about tickling me, I’ll laugh. That, and I hate motorcycles. If a car doesn’t see you, it’s never the motorcyclist’s fault. Because they’re probably dead. Or paralyzed. Well, unless they were speeding or drunk.
38. They spend their free day at a car dealership?
39. This is supposed to be a test drive, but the dealer isn’t in the car.He gonna do it?
40. YES, HE DOES!!!!!!! HE JUST STOLE POSEIDON’S CAR!!! THAT IS SO ILLEGAL!!!!
41. She can still drive it with a dealer in the backseat, Leo! This isn’t about living! It’s grand theft auto!
42. Dude, I don’t even know what “paddle shift” is. Is that something for a motorboat?
43. So if Leo has a tumor on his brain stem, why can’t we see the lump?
44. Lol “whatever, I’m an oil spill.”
45. That bidet comment. Yes. Also, the water is literally shooting up your butt. Isn’t that…idk…a little bit like sodomy? I’ve only used it once when I had one in my bathroom and I ended up using TP anyway. Just too ticklish.
46. Ford reminds me a bit of Bay from Switched at Birth. They’re both pale-skinned, dark-haired young women with a style for black, punky clothes.
47. “The only reason why she invited you is because your sister has cancer and she wants to seem deep.” Wow. Bitch went there.
48. “Can I borrow your phone? Mine’s full.” What does that mean? Usually, people need to borrow phones because theirs is dying. Saying it’s full would give someone the initial impression that it’s full of BATTERY because they still assume it’s a charging issue. It’s full…of data?
49. And I kinda wanna know what this long story is. Has she been sexting someone and her phone is just full of that dirty strain? That’s my guess.
50. TV writers are always intentional when something that seems accidental takes place. For example, Ford borrowing Brenna’s phone. I forgot what happens, but something definitely happens, involving Ford with Brenna’s phone.
51. Oh, I guess we’ll find out in this scene after all!
52. Ugh, Ford. Even your fake-cute-Brenna texting makes me gag. It’s not because it’s you. It’s just gross.
53. Well, that’s embarrassing.
54. But, hey, he has cancer. He’s all about taking chances and living in the moment.
55. Busted…
56. Did that “April Carver” match the one at the very beginning of the episode?
57. Yeah, I think it’s exact. I went back and watched the entire clip again. It was a match.
58. Is that grandma-death story an actual person’s account or just a theory? I’m one of many people probably trying to find answers surrounding where we go after death.
59. Well, at least he wore blue.
60. Yeah, that thump came way too quickly and loudly. Leo, you’re a jerk.
61. That didn’t go so well…
62. “Now you get to decide what I EAT?” My mom’s been doing that to me for years. I mean, it’s about my figure, not cancer, but still similar in that one aspect.
63. Well, that doesn’t mean she wants to get pregnant NOW though. Even though that’s her intention. She just wants to see her options.

81 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×05: The Family That Lies Together)

1. Oh, look how that worked out! Psychics be so secretive about people’s lives that even if April won’t tell Dominic about her cancer, he’s still completely clueless when she talks about it. Convenience at its best.
2. Big twist! Just kidding, guys! Daddy’s been alive all along!
3. I love April’s hair. And Brenna’s, but April’s looks more different.
4. Dad is so funny. “There are plenty of rent-free places in New York! Central Park, the stairs on the Met!”
5. “I think you just fainted.” Well, at least she was sitting down.
6. April and Brenna share longing, sisterly looks knowing about her secret cancer.
7. Brenna: When I walked into the kitchen, it looked like you were… Me: Dead?
8. Emma: Just go through all her stuff. It’s your right as her mother. I did it with you when you were her age. Sara: 0_o Emma: Nice bong, by the way. I bet you always wondered where it went. Me: I’m seriously in love with this grandma!!
9. Someone call Charlie Brown because it’s Snoopy Time!
10. SHE’S READING FIFTY SHADES OF GREY??? Well, that would be reason enough to hide it in your drawers.
11. AN UNLABELLED BAG OF VARIOUS PILLS!!!!! Now, what are they?
12. How did he memorize the license plate? Danny: Harvard. Me: No. That’s not enough.
13. Danny: I want partial credit for the story you’re writing on her. April: Deal. Me: Come on, April. That’s mean!
14. So it’s not that Dominic’s mom is a criminal per se. Just got involved with the wrong people and prison was the price. At least she got one year though.
15. April (to Dominic): You want baggage? I’ll show you baggage. Me: So which part do you think she’s gonna tell him, folks? The cancer? Natalie Ortiz? Or both?!
16. Are all private schoolgirls as judgmental as Ford? If she went to my college, she’d definitely be hated for shaming everyone. That vocally, anyway.
17. Hehehe, it’s the hotel receptionist from Vermont episode. If you’ve seen it, but still don’t remember, just ship Ross with maple candy.
18. It’s a good thing that Italia Ricci can act because April Carver certainly cannot. I love it when good actors pretend to be horrible.
19. Seriously? She fell for that? And then “Natalie” just walks away, reading the information on the paper she just handed to her. “It’s okay, guys! False alarm! Baby’s a-okay!”
20. Hey! I just saw that journal in the dream scene with the dad! I guess it makes sense if he took it everywhere he went. You never know when inspiration strikes if you’re a writer.
21. 
22. Page turn, and…
23. 
24. Knowing what happens to her dad, this repetition actually makes sense…aww…I’m sad now.
25. Dominic: Definitely like you better with long hair. April:…Well, I sometimes like to go short. Me: Like bald?
26. April also had younger photos of herself in her bedroom when Sara was going through her stuff. I mean, is that a regular thing? “Look how adorable I was. Can’t resist that face! Look at those cheeks! I just wanna pinch them!”
27. Well, at least you’ve got someone who’s still alive who could explain the relationship between Thomas and Natalie.
28. I get that they’re supposed to be close in that photo and I totally get that. I wonder what it was like to pose as the actors though. Like, “So is it okay, if I rest my elbow on your lap? Won’t be too awkward?” “Yeah, sure. The director wants me to wrap my arm around your shoulder. You’re fine with that, right?” “Definitely! We’re supposed to be father-and-daughter. Go for it.” George: Hi.
29. I’ve never considered how weird handholding is when you’ve just started going out. Have you thought about that? Like, “Is it okay if I just rest my fingers around yours even if we’re just walking? Anything you need to do with it, you can just use your other hand.”
30. Ooh, Danny…ratting Sara out.
31. So are designed stockings a thing? A girl getting a tattoo at the parlor is wearing one with flowers on them. Like, were they ever an actual thing?
32. Jeez, Kieran. Not everything is a conspiracy.
33. “There’s an outdoor screening of Pretty in Pink tonight!” Me: Is it Wednesday?
34. Beth: You don’t even know what that is, do you? Oh, I’m so old! Me: Dude, you’re actually younger than the girl who plays Brenna.
35. While Beth gets excited after Kieran says he must really like Brenna, he’s biting his lips when the camera is in front of him, but when there’s a shot of them behind him, his lips have been released. Then, the shot is in front of him again and he bites his lips and smiles the exact same way as before, and when we see them from behind again, his lips have been freed and he is smiling the exact same way as the last time we saw them from that perspective.
36. “I was cleaning your room today and I found these.” Shouldn’t April clean her own room? I know it was an excuse to snoop, but it was pretty lousy, if you think about it. I mean, I’m out of college and still living with my parents too, but I’m still responsible for tidying up my room. (Not that I ever do it.)
37. Couldn’t she just look up those pills online? I know she probably wants to hear the truth from April, but she already snooped around anyway. Why not do a little more digging?
38. Martina who?
39. Oh.
40. So…Greer’s just ditching her friends for a classmate and two other people she doesn’t even know? Cooliosis. (I made that word up a long time ago and it didn’t even take. Why am I using it now?)
41. Flirting!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤
42. Does George’s mouth not look…mouthy…to you?
43. I feel like she had merit to be a lot more pissed at George than she actually showed. Yelling? Tears? Anything? Growing red in the face because of the humiliation that she didn’t see this back then?
44. Oh yeah, I remember watching The Cutting Edge. I didn’t realize that was what it was called till the DJ sang, “Toe pick!”
45. Greer just said that Brenna would look pretty in pink. I know that’s a reference to the movie they just saw (which probably had that line in it somewhere), but I’m not sure if she would. I’m trying to picture all the shades here. She should stick to, like, dark green or black or something.
46. Halfway through the episode and I’m already on the 46th point.
47. George! You’re popular among the Carver ladies tonight.
48. I’m aware of why it’s so tense between the two, so…yeah, it’s very awkward considering…yeah.
49. “You know anything about these pills? Answer me.” Whoa, did anyone else get a serious soap opera vibe just now? Just picture the scene without the typical Chasing Life music in the background.
50. I want to point out the actress who plays the mother here. She’s so good at being desperate, wanting answers from the one person she doesn’t want to talk to, but she’s so worried about her daughter that she’s willing to confront the only other person who can provide those answers. She doesn’t overdo her desperations, nor does she hold back. Amazing performance, Mary Page Keller!
51. LOL Aisha Dee is pretending to drink beer even though, as of today, she’s been 21 since September, which is after this scene was filmed, I imagine. Meanwhile, Haley Ramm (who I’ve mentioned earlier, is a year and a half older than her) is stuck with soda. Or iced tea. Either way, nonalcoholic beverage.
52. Beth: Didn’t we just watch a whole movie about how that stuff doesn’t matter? Me: Yeah, but I mean, it’s fiction. Hint, hint.
53. “April, this is an intervention.” Sara: April, I’ve called a family meeting. Just know that we’re here for you. This is an intervention. Me: Oh, she actually thinks it’s—oh.
54. Italia Ricci’s acting in this scene is a bit…I feel like she went for the “scared little girl” angle for the character in this scene, which is good! It’s what I would’ve wanted too, but with the way she approached it, it seemed…ridiculous. I mean, the “scared little girl” routine worked perfectly as a response to her realization that this was it. Her secret was going to come out. I think her initial approach just wasn’t maintained very well.
55. I thought this scene happened at the end of this episode and then the parts after she says “I have leukemia” was shown in the episode after. I think it could’ve made a nice cliffhanger.
56. I know I’ve said this before, during this episode already, but I seriously love Emma. She knows when to be serious, and she knows when to poke a little fun at her own flaws to cheer April up.
57. “There’s no damn way that I’m letting you die before I do.” God, that line.
58. She reminds me a bit of Betty White, now that I think about it.
59. George doesn’t have an iPhone, does he? I feel like the Carvers are an Apple family. I guess George isn’t mainstream.
60. I also want to say kudos to the writers and the actors here. I really felt like I was in the moment when it was at its highest and it slowly came down from that serious peak when April made the announcement. The ladies took the time to process the information and now, they’re making changes and supporting her.
61. George (gets off the phone): That was the lab. Me: Of course. Convenience!
62. Sara: You’re not thinking clearly. Me: April’s not thinking clearly? She’s known about the leukemia for a while. She’s past the trauma of this news. Or at least, she was till you started talking about treatment right away.
63. Man’s got a point there, Sara. You may think he owes you a favor, but April’s done nothing wrong except believe every word you said about him in the past.
64. Once again, I am at your door, Sir, crying my eyes out. Sex?
65. Dominic’s head faced April and then shifted upwards to look at something else. In the next shot, he’s looking at her again.
66. Why am I noticing stuff like this now?
67. Crying without tears. If I can only nail that, I could get a role on any ABC Family show (as of tomorrow, it will be called Freeform).
68. Oh, I didn’t realize that they hid the name when Brenna was asked if she wanted to meet up. I thought they did and I missed it. (Yes, I went back.) I mean, I noticed it during that one shot, but I thought they showed it earlier or later. Nope. It was just that one. Well, two shots. The second one showed more of the top of her phone, but the “sending” bar was in the way. They wanted to be subtle about that mystery, but…we find out who it is five minutes later so it doesn’t feel like much, especially considering Brenna’s flirtatious relationship with both contenders edging more toward Greer.
69. And doesn’t Greer have an iPhone? Or else Brenna’s text would’ve sent as a blue bubble. I caught this during Switched at Birth, too.
70. Dude, Greer’s leather, heart purse is really cute.
71. Emma (hands her a box of chocolates): I saved the last nougat for you. Sara: I’m sorry, I can’t eat right now. Me: I’ll take it.
72. Emma: Honey, she’s scared out of her mind right now. Me: Shitless. You mean she is scared shitless.
73. Emma: We aren’t going to lose her. Sara: How do you know that? Emma: I don’t, but we have to believe that. What’s the alternative? Me: She’s brilliant, that woman.
74. Sex.
75. I think.
76. “Life is always gonna throw you curveballs. You can’t control that. All you can do is keep swinging.” Just keep swinging. Just keep swinging. Just keep swinging, swinging, swinging.
77. April: Seriously, Dad? When was the last time life threw you any curveballs? Thomas: Trust me. I’ve had plenty. Me: Trust me. He’s had plenty.
78. You sure you want to read through that journal, Ape? It’d just get boring.
79. Two different handwritings? Is anyone else not noticing this?
80. You misspelled “personnel”, Tommy. Not counting that as a goof though. People misspell words all the time, especially in the heat of creative inspiration.
81. I would go crazy if I wrote down a personal to-do list in my writer’s journal!

58 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×04: I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead)

1. Leo is LEADING support group…so he’s had cancer! Or…he still has it? I sometimes forget which.
2. When’s he gonna look over at April? He seems to be a little too focused on the people in front of him. Come on! Include the entire class!
3. “Moral to the story: don’t get a brain tumor, kids. They suck.” I’ll try, Leo.
4. Sure, as soon as he’s finished with his monologue, he finally sees April.
5. This might be a teeny bit rude, but I feel like the extras in this scene actually had cancer, which is exactly what they did on The Fault In Our Stars. That, or the director decided to cast a more diverse group of adults. And by “diverse”, I mean by attraction. Let’s face it: most of these actors aren’t Hollywood-attractive, but don’t take that as a diss! I’d probably be there with you! If it turns out that they actually DID cast cancer patients, well then… Let me just backspace here…
6. When Leo first said “Bloomies”, it took a while for me to get what he meant, until I remembered that one FRIENDS episode where Rachel was trying to attract one of the neighbors in the building. The neighbor’s friend was trying to attract her at a housewarming party, but he was too much of a mama’s boy to actually be seen as an adult. His one line was, “So I hear you work at Bloomingdales. My mommy calls it ‘bloomies’.”
7. Okay, so he DID pay for the damage in the parking lot. I mean, the money probably came from Daddy anyway, but it still sorta came from him. You know, the same way I spent $150 of my allowance money to buy my Christmas gifts for the five people in my family (including the dog). It doesn’t matter the cost, but it’s the…thought that counts…
8. Come on, Leo. Give her a little credit. Although I don’t blame him. His father just started his election campaign for governor and she IS a journalist who would do anything (that is still honorable) to get a story.
9. That moment when you realize that “6:53 AM” is sleeping in for people who work.
10. Ooh… “The thing where they stick a needle into your hip bone to suck the bone marrow out of you.” Yeah, that’s excruciating.
11. “The only c-words I am worried about today are ‘caffeine’ and ‘concealer’.” I thought she was gonna say something else. I have to admit: I was slightly disappointed. Did she at least say it once during rehearsals, just to get a few laughs?
12. Of course, the only symptoms that George manages to list are the ones that April has experienced, and I think in chronological order, too. Jeez, April. You’re so irresponsible.
13. April is choosing career over health. L
14. Did Raquel JUST start that document? Considering how she was typing, it seems like she’d been there at least minutes. The director was probably like, “It’s fine. Just pretend that you’re busy writing a new article.” I feel as if she should be a little further into her assignment and somebody just got lazy at the beginning of the scene. Bad enough not to type in random bullshit to take up space.
15. Sure, Greer seems like that fake blonde who just wants to win over popularity points by attracting more friends, but she’s really awesome.
16. Kieran: She’s cute. Brenna: Don’t get any ideas. She’s gay. Kieran: Oh, now I’m thinking of a lot of really AWESOME ideas. Brenna and me: Shut up.
17. April (gets onto an elevator with Dominic while Danny steps out): Danny, where are you going? Danny: Taking the stairs. I don’t want to be stuck in an 8×8 box with you two exchanging longing looks. (As the elevator doors close, April and Dominic stare into each other’s eyes.) Me: They’re so funny. Not cute. Just funny.
18. Why would Dominic’s editor want him to write about fashion? Don’t they want someone to know (and care about) what they’re talking about? Not that I’m judging the writers here. I want to speak with that editor though, giving Dominic a hard time. It’s weird, but it’s one of those plot points that makes it convenient so that what’s about to happen, can happen, which is crucial to the storyline as far as Dominic and April’s romance goes.
19. “When you say you’re taking work home, is that limited to those files?” Oh, God, Dominic. What a line.
20. Who needs two bags? I understand that one’s for work and the other is her purse, but why not just use one bag? That’s what I do and I carry a ton of useless shit.
21. Falling asleep on the train (especially that easily) …bad idea, even when you’re not sick. In fact, it’s horrible. You can’t rely on your body to walk you up when you need to, and nobody can wake you up because they don’t know when your stop is.
22. Wait, when did April tell him that she hadn’t told her family about the cancer yet? I thought he was still assuming she told them already.
23. “If you place the wrong thing as top priority for too long, you won’t be waking up at the wrong train stop. You’ll be waking up in the wrong life.” George, why you gotta be so dramatic?
24. “I feel like I already have.” April, why you gotta be so dramatic?
25. Well, THAT’S embarrassing. He’s gonna take back those words.
26. Shouldn’t her arm be slightly bruised from the blood transfusion? The discoloration could just be concealed under the bandage, but I feel as if maybe the bruise should be bigger? (Shrugs.) Medicine.
27. Brenna’s phone isn’t even unlocked during this conversation. Seriously, you can’t fake those when you’re filming? More than half the population is familiar with how iPhones work and we WILL notice. If there’s something remotely different than what happens in reality, we’re gonna notice.
28. Sassy April’s gonna be sassy!!
29. “April, have you lost weight? You’re swimming in that dress.” I wish someone would tell me that for once. (Eats all the bad feelings away.)
30. Greer: Brenna? Did you hear what I said? Brenna: Yeah, Black Death. Greer: Do you even know what that is? Me:…The Plague…?
31. Beth: So what’s this about a bruise? (April shows her.) That looks nasty. April: It doesn’t even hurt. Me: Because it’s MAKEUP!!
32. Dress #1: No. Dress #2: Yeah, you’re SWIMMING in that thing. Dress #3: Not bad. Dress #4: That’s #s 1 and 2 combined. Dress #5: LOL more fishes. Dress #6: No. Dress #7: That looks good, except not really elegant enough. Exactly, it’s boring. Dress #8: Didn’t get to see the entire thing. Dress #9: That dress is fine, but the pearls…not to mention, the bruise. That outer garment makes it worse. The bruise fits better. That second garment was actually pretty with the dress. Except bruise. Dress #10: It was nice enough for the party except the concealer. That’s concealer, right? I don’t wear makeup. Dress #11: That’s it. Okay, I already knew this, but that’s it.
33. Now that you say Dominic’s not gonna be there, he’s gonna be there!
34. Fancy party in the fancy building.
35. Dominic and Leo…those two boys…
36. Don’t trust him, April. If he’s making you wait this long, he probably won’t give you that exclusive. He’s a suspicious being. (I’m trying to make it sound like I have no clue what’s about to happen. Am I succeeding?)
37. Brenna so lazy. Brenna not even trying. But Brenna brings it when there’s more to lose. Or rather more to gain. Clever girl.
38. April: Raquel! I love your dress! Raquel: Love yours, too. I think I almost bought it actually. I don’t remember though. It was just so long ago. Me: Jeez, what happened to not becoming those competitive girls who get catty?
39. That guy behind April saying, “WOW…”
40. Yeah, April. A slap in the face. That’s the kind of shit you get in the business. You get promised something and then the person just takes it away from you for their own personal gain. Raquel was right: nobody has your back.
41. I really hate people who ride motorcycles. They’re fast, they’re crazy, and sometimes, they sneak up right next to you and that’s not okay! I almost collided with one because I didn’t see him. The damage wouldn’t have done anything to me, but the other guy?? What, I have to look out for your skinny bike, too? Yeah, I really should, actually…
42. There’s that almost “F-word” again!
43. That tango instructor—isn’t he an actual famous dancer? Maxim Scherbatsky or something.
44. Ooh, Brenna…you forgot about the tango class… At least you’re getting a workout of your own.
45. Brenna: Sorry, not sorry. Me: Shouldn’t she have added a hashtag before that? Like, isn’t that an actual hashtag now?
46. So NOW her ankle hurts? While she’s trying not to give Brenna the match point? Of course. They wanted to make it obvious that Brenna was going to win so it wouldn’t blow out to an even bigger competition. They’re supposed to become friends, after all. Well, maybe not friends, but tolerable classmates. Hehehe, oh, it’s more than that.
47. This is your chance. Tell him.
48. Dominic: What ‘90s sitcom should we pretend to watch while making out at my place? Me: FRIENDS. Always FRIENDS. Except I’d actually be watching. Sorry, Future Makeout Partner.
49. Wait, so is it customary to wear a bra underneath a fancy dress with no straps? They have fancy bras like that? So now there’s evidence that I don’t go to fancy parties.
50. Okay, another competitive blowout between sisters on who has it worse.
51. (Gasp!) She said it! To an actual family member she likes! It was by accident, but she said it. It’s a first step toward setting up a good foundation for the support she’ll need down the line.
52. How come people never turn red when they cry on TV? Lighting?
53. Mom’s a pretty good dancer. Then again, she’s dancing with a professional.
54. So after a fight, do family members typically confront each other and talk about it? Mine just leave me alone until I perk up the courage to go downstairs. For food.
55. April seems to be unaware of how excruciating this biopsy will be. She keeps saying that she’ll be fine and she doesn’t need someone there. I mean, I don’t expect her to know, but shouldn’t George have warned her of how agonizing it’d be? Wow. I guess he really doesn’t care about her after all.
56. Okay, I’ve been waiting to say something about this scene for a while and now, I have a place to talk about it. You can probably tell that I’ve been pointing toward this flaw for a while during this episode. April, they’re sucking something directly out of your bone. I know they injected lidocaine, but the pain meds can only do so much. You find people screaming because it hurts so much. Did the director find someone to do some research or have a medical consultant? Even if the medicine written in the show is BS, they should at least be realistic about the pain the patient is in during the biopsy. It makes no difference in the scene since Brenna arrives as her last-minute support and does not change anything about her. WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE HER SCREAM IN PAIN?!
57. Yeah, this scene was sort of VERY poorly acted. I didn’t believe she was in pain at all and anything that involves sucking something from bone is pure torture. (Go back to point #10.) In that respect, George definitely wouldn’t have been able to perform the procedure. In fact, if that scene was accurate and she did scream, he should have stepped down as someone who could take her marrow and delegated it to another doctor.
58. But hey! It’s fiction! They can do whatever the hell they want.

58 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×03: Blood Cancer Sex Carrots)

1. I never understood the title of this episode. Like, are you listing things you want in life or is this your weird shopping checklist?
2. MAKEOUT SESH!!!!!
3. So does everybody carry around a spare toothbrush? I mean, is that a thing in case there’s a special sleepover? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had a special sleepover. Unless you count the actual sleepover I had with my best friend before I officially moved to California. I guess that was pretty special. It was the last time we’d seen each other in person.
4. BLOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
5. Yeah, what a turnoff, huh?
6. “Well, there are worse ways of bleeding that could ruin a date,” Beth says in front of a male customer as she is handing him his order. Me: Thank you! Please come again soon!
7. Two episodes later, they finally explain who the former manager of the café was.
8. Jeez, how many times was that elevator wall punched? Or was that just from REALLY awesome sex? You know, have amazing sex and then slam your fist into the wall 50 times? Why are there so many indents in that elevator wall?
9. “Hey…it’s you…”
10. Awk-ward… (Repeatedly crushes a stress ball.)
11. Except you can’t blame her for wanting to have fun and sneak around. She’s a woman, too.
12. BERNARD!!
13. That carrot juice reminds me of the juice that Nakéd makes. That’s why I try to drink them when I can. Don’t want to get cancer now, do we? Hehe…
14. Can Sara ever NOT be so shrink-y? I know that she wants to raise a healthy household and she has an advantage because of her psychological education, but sometimes, she’s just got to let Brenna handle some of this stuff on her own, you know?
15. I like how April said her coworker’s name at the workplace while talking to her best friend on the phone about her anxiety over how social he is. I would’ve looked around to make sure no one was listening and then say something subtle that only she would know. Or at least text her all this. “OMG I’m looking at Dom’s Facebook right now. He hung out with this girl last night and he seems to be pretty into her, judging by how close he’s posing with her.” (She reads on and looks into the girl.) “Never mind. That’s his sis.” Done. (That was fake. Dom doesn’t have a sis that we know of.)
16. “I’ve caught my parents together. Let’s just say his head was on her lap. Thanksgivings were never the same.” Great. He’s ruined Thanksgiving for me, too. Thanks, Kieran.
17. Another interview with Carrot Man? Hmm…I might not know exactly how journalism works if writing an article actually takes more than one interview.
18. That’s an interesting topic: how to forgive cancer. In Gerald’s case, his cancer helped him find a purpose in life again by helping those who also have cancer. I still don’t understand how anyone could know that though, unless they actually did an experiment. The “What the Heck?” guy said that he claimed his juice “treats cancer symptoms and keeps the disease from spreading”, which is why April was so interested in the case. Seeing this scene though, it looks like he at least prefers people to PRETEND that it’s working so he can “forgive the cancer”.
19. I love Gerald, though. He definitely cares for people who have cancer and considers how it’s affecting them. I mean, he’s obviously a nice guy, in general, but he takes a special interest in making sure that others like him are still okay.
20. I’ve considered psychiatry as a possible career path for myself, but I can’t stand it when people complain AT me. I still want to be able to help people and give advice, and basically do what a psychiatrist does, but I’m more comfortable TYPING words rather than using my mouth. Although the actual thing is probably better as far as reading the patient goes. Texting only makes you dependent on your own interpretation of their tone.
21. Dominic, you creeper, trying to make out with your girlfriend in the copy room. Would anyone else be annoyed in that situation? Like “this isn’t keeping this strictly professional, babe.” Oh, maybe it’s because I’m single.
22. Sara: My patient is about to get a divorce from Ben, who is going to be here in 15 minutes and I don’t know what to do. Emma: Then stop seeing your patient. Sara: I can’t prioritize my personal life over my patients’ like that. Emma: Then stop seeing your psycho. Me: I like how she’s calling HIM the psycho when SHE’S the one with the therapist.
23. Ben (talking about Pilates): You might break up with me once you figure out how inflexible I am. Literally. (Sara cracks up uncomfortably because of the situation with Ben, NOT because her daughters AND her mother were present.)
24. Brenna: We [with Kieran] work at a tattoo parlor. As you can tell. Me: By Kieran’s tattoos? That doesn’t mean shit about working at a tattoo parlor. That just means…HE HAS TATTOOS. Brenna: This one means “anarchy”. Me: Isn’t that just a star? Kieran: Actually, that’s just a star.
25. I still don’t get what Brenna is trying to do here and this is at least the third time I’ve watched this scene.
26. So while Brenna is the one spewing all this crap at Ben, trying to make him sound incompetent, April pulls SARA aside to talk about SARA’S behavior?
27. Oh, SARA’S being way too intense about this guy?
28. I never understood why TV shows use the familiar iPhone texting features, yet make them look differently when they’re being used on camera. Everyone can clearly see you have an iPhone. Rather than screenshotting it to look at the conversation like an image, why not use the real thing? Otherwise, it doesn’t feel real to those of us who have iPhones. What is it? Are you not allowed to replicate the iPhone texting? Screenshotting for the sake of time?
29. Jealousy sucks. Competition sucks. But why not just talk to Dominic rather than doing this to your cancer-ridden self, April? “So I heard it through the grapevine that you were a player. Is that still you?” Or do you just not ask guys that? Is this why I can never get a date?
30. April…you’re already the crazy-jealous girlfriend. Meeting him at a club to make sure he doesn’t stray?
31. It’s nice that you say that you’d handle the “mom’s new boyfriend” thing better, Kieran, but would you really? You can’t say that you’d be the bigger person until your statements are tested. I like you, Kieran, especially since you’ve had Brenna’s back for, like, a month, but I don’t trust anyone when they say something like that to make themselves look like a better person than the actual jerk. I mean, why would you even consider saying that if you didn’t want to make her feel bad? And now, she feels depressed about letting you down.
32. Jealous April has balls. Or at least is too hungry for Dominic’s attention.
33. Well, that escalated quickly.
34. Is it just me, or does Dominic remind anyone of Finnick Odair from The Hunger Games? They’re both similar in some respects. For one, they both hide their accents. Sam Claflin is British while Richard Brancatisano is Australian (but has Italian roots). Hm. Never noticed that before.
35. Oh, Graham. Always interrupting the important moments, complaining about shit.
36. Wow, Dominic. Kicking out your lady just because of that big fight? What if she was secretly depressed or dying of cancer? Oh, wait…
37. “I take plenty of risks. I crashed a blood drive last week…” Me: Wait, “last week”? I’ll never understand fictional TV timelines. Hasn’t each episode lasted an entire week in their world, so it matches up with the time it actually airs? I don’t know, man.
38. BFF fight. Things are getting personal!
39. “You’re one of the smartest people I know, and yet you’re not taking advantage of it! Instead, you’d rather sit around and make chai lattes and foam art and sleep with your ex-boyfriends! You think that’s taking a real risk?” And then, April’s mouth looks like she’s about to say a word that starts with an “F” or a “V”, after realizing she just hurt her best friend. My vote goes toward “fuck”, but Italia held back, reminding herself that this was ABC Family. Either that or “vomit”.
40. Never mind. BETH is the ballsy one.
41. Sara’s patient: Ben slept over last night. Me: DAYUM!! Looks like Dominic wasn’t the player in this episode!
42. So do the Carvers just have extra copies of Thomas’ book laying around? Or maybe Brenna actually bought that. (Shrugs.)
43. Ah, so Brenna was basically the overprotective son of the mother who is moving on from his father.
44. How does someone put a fake tattoo on an actor? Is it like a sticker that you need to dab with water in order to get it on? Nah, that seems too ridiculous. And what if they’re one of the lead roles? How do you find the patience and motivation to put it on every single day they film? Obviously, income, for one. But it still seems too…wasteful?
45. Okay, didn’t you just meet, like, a week ago? You already have feelings for each other and are making out?
46. Even as April is listening to the interview she recorded through her headphones and is transcribing it onto her work computer, it makes me want to become a journalist. Is that weird?
47. Uh-oh. Dominic alert.
48. Aaaaand he’s not too happy to see you either.
49. Gerald…he was her only cancer friend.
50. Why go to Dominic’s for that shoulder to cry on? I’d go to my best friend first. Or…does she want to have sympathy sex? Is that what they’re getting at? She didn’t even say, “I didn’t know who else to turn to.” Was Beth a little too busy, you know, being unemployed, and everything?
51. I know that April isn’t faking it and, obviously Italia is, but it sort of still sounds like April’s faking it to get Dominic’s attention. Like Regina George when she “discovered” the Burn Book.
52. “Why did he have to die?” Ah, jeez, April. I know he was your friend, but he was also dying. Probably in pain because of the cancer he already knew he had. At least now, he’s no longer in agony!
53. Finally! I mean, it was sympathy sex, but it still happened!
54. Dominic, you jerk! Don’t even joke about that, man! It’s bad luck!
55. Something I also never understood with fictional TV was, often times after sex, the woman would be wearing a bra anyway, which is understandable. But, on top of that, she’s also covering her chest. I used to think it was a personal choice because it was the actress’ body, but everybody does it. I don’t think it’s an ABC Family thing because I’ve seen Melissa Joan Hart cover up her chest for “Melissa & Joey” without bra straps showing.
56. “I’ve got your headline: ‘Carrot Dude: Shredded’.” That’s horrible! I have to admit: I chuckled a bit, but horrible! We’re horrible people!
57. Oh, ho-ho! Look who we have here! It’s Mr. Harmless Affluenza in a cancer support group meeting!
58. Excited to see Leo’s cancer case. Actually, you know I’ve already seen the entire series, so I don’t know why I just said that, but his story really is intriguing.

69 Thoughts I Had While Watching Recovery Road (01×01: Blackout)

1. So what were the chances that her head was just very close to that sprinkler rather than directly over it? I know they’re probably spread out pretty far from each other, but she was still pretty close to it in order for the water AND the sound to scare her awake.
2. Okay, how old is this girl? 14?
3. When is this show set? The fashion was okay, but that hair… Do people still wear denim jackets?
4. Vodka in a water bottle. Busted! And she gets a Breathalyzer test! Ha!
5. Shouldn’t that principal wipe down that Breathalyzer after use? I suppose she could’ve done it before the girl blew into it, but after she used it, she just placed it back inside her drawer. I mean, where are her germs supposed to go? That’s pretty unsanitary behavior for a– .12 BAC?!
6. NOW I KNOW WHERE THAT PRINCIPAL’S FROM!! She’s the bitch who broke up Owen and Cristina’s marriage on “Grey’s Anatomy”. I think.
7. “Headmaster”? You’re not the principal?
8. The main character’s name is Maddie. Was this mentioned before? I didn’t catch it then.
9. Just before she leaves her mom behind, dramatic “Are you really going to make me do this???” staring. Conversation happens through eye contact.
10. While she was detoxing, a montage is used to show us what she does in order to wait out her withdrawal symptoms. (Although she was only drunk, right? Hydration and rest cure the hangovers.) Toward the end of it, she uses her finger to tap on the center of her Jello and all I can think is, “Penetration.”
11. Are those five stages of teenage grief happening in one road trip? And…why did the letters “acceptance” just fly out the window as she rolled it open? Was that supposed to be cute? Dramatic? Artistic?
12. The counselor looks like a British Drake Bell.
13. Maddie reminds me of a young Sara Ramirez (Callie on “Grey’s Anatomy”). Even weirder is her mom reminds me of Kerry Washington, who plays the lead role in “Scandal”. #Shondaland
14. Okay, apparently, this is set in the 21^st Century, judging by the way that Maddie is so addicted to her cell phone. If that’s the case, who was in charge of costumes for this thing?
15. “Based on the novel by Blake Nelson”. Isn’t that the actor from “Holes”? (Wikipedias “Holes”) Nope, that’s TIM Blake Nelson.
16. DAMIAN, IS THAT YOU????? LAST TIME I SAW YOU, I WAS PLAYING “MEAN GIRLS: SENIOR YEAR” ON “EPISODES”!!! I wasn’t going to be committed to this show, but now that you’re on—I MISSED YOU!!!
17. Who the hell hides something in a piano? IT IS A BEAUTIFUL MUSICAL INSTRUMENT!! If you want to hide something, find another place for it!
18. Vern: You know the difference between right and wrong, right? Maddie: If I did, would I be here? Me: Point taken.
19. Rebecca: Maddie Graham. Maddie: Rebecca Granger. (Somewhere Far, Far Away, a voice cries, “DONKEY!”)
20. Rebecca: I suppose it was only a matter of time. Trish: Wait, so you two know each other? Me: No, they’re just saying that to mess with you. All that tension is so fake. You fell for it, right?
21. So the mystery of what happened between these two will either be revealed later this episode or it’ll last half a season.
22. Could Trish be that clueless? I mean, is anybody THAT clueless? There was so much tension you couldn’t melt it with Elsa’s love. #Frozen
23. Rebecca: I guess what I regret the most is how my ugly past keeps coming back to haunt me. (Glares at Maddie.) Me: Girl, did she just call you ugly?
24. The guy with the relapse dreams…Maddie wants him. If something happens between her and someone in that house, it’s him.
25. Counselor: At group, we introduce ourselves by saying, “Hi, I’m whomever and I’m an alcoholic.” Me: Don’t tell me she’s going to call herself “whomev—“ Yep, I totally called that. Counselor: Very good, very good. I haven’t heard that one before. Me: Seriously? He’s only saying that to patronize her, right?
26. “Springtime Meadows” …so…hippie-like. A cool…breezy name.
27. The parting gift was a nice touch. It shows that they became a family there and hopefully shows that the group will show the same for Maddie. Except for Rebecca, of course.
28. Relapse Dream (locks eyes with her before he leaves the room): Welcome to the fun house. (She awkwardly looks away.) Me: See? Anyone wanna place bets on when they’re gonna kiss? My guess is her feelings are gonna build up first. Then, in the middle of the season, so will his. Then, they go through a dramatic “OMG, you love me too?” episode and then they’ll kiss in the season finale.
29. It’s the middle of the night and there’s a light in the hallway that’s very clearly on, but you wouldn’t think so by the way the hallway is still dark. In fact, it merely serves as a nightlight.
30. Okay, so she sees a random guy sitting there, doesn’t freak out, and is, instead, comforted by his presence. We find out he’s her dad, but, seeing as how it was clarified that he had died, in the previous scene, she still doesn’t find it odd that she sees him? Let alone, is having an actual conversation with the guy?
31. Oh, got it. Dream.
32. I feel like the horn on the unicorn is a safety hazard. All I can think about is jabbing someone in the eye with it. By accident.
33. PUNCH BUGGY, NO PUNCH BACK!!!
34. Maddie: Did you ever consider that the reason why I was drinking in school was because it’s so insufferably boring? Me: Can I punch this girl?
35. Okay, so she DID do something that merited the withdrawal symptoms. But drinking half a water bottle full of vodka wouldn’t require a 24-hour detox period, would it? The principal lady couldn’t have known the drugs. She only found the alcohol.
36. She randomly sings “Jesus is my savior” when the song was nowhere near that point on the radio. I don’t get why scripted shows sometimes do that. If I’m singing along with the radio, I’m gonna sing it where it’s playing from the speakers.
37. She was NOT the principal. She was the guidance counselor. Duly noted.
38. Those license plates. “2FAN321”?
39. Do they really think that “Find My Device” is gonna work? Would it work if the laptop is closed? And the sound waves are probably barricaded by, not only the windows, but the distance—she has no idea where her freaking car is so how are they going to trace the sound?
40. That girl’s a bad influence on you, Relapse Dreamer.
41. He looks a bit like Nick from “New Girl”. Sounds like him, too.
42. If they jump to the future and it turns out they still hang out, their adult versions should be played by Jake Johnson and Sara Ramirez. Just a random thought.
43. She actually bought a new bottle of vodka to share with a roommate from her rehab household? And I thought Trish was the idiot. No, Maddie’s not an idiot. She’s an addict. The compulsion to buy alcohol was too strong. Then… “Hoss”? There’s no Hoss on IMDb. Looked up the actor on Google Images. The character’s name is Wes. Then Wes was there to stop her from feeding her own addiction.
44. Maddie: Why do you care? You don’t know me. Vern: One day, you’re going to have a moment like this with someone else, sharing your experience. That’s how it works. And it does work. Me: Aww…Damian. Please don’t somehow fall off the wagon and die.
45. Counselor Craig and Wes are now alone in his office and staring intently at each other. Me: Now…KISS!!!
46. Craig: I can tell you like her, Wes. Me: Well, THAT came sooner than expected.
47. Craig: You and Maddie can’t happen. It’ll steer you away from the program. Possibly Maddie, too. Me: Great. Now, you’re gonna want each other more. If they can’t feed their addictions, they’ll probably grow addicted to each other! That’s where their relationship is headed, isn’t it?
48. Okay, so the Mom used “Find My Device”? I’m still not understanding how she managed to hear the sound, even if the feature works with a sleeping laptop. It was in her backpack, which was in her car. However, she found the car couldn’t have involved “Find My Device”. In fact, the only way should could’ve found the car, and therefore the backpack, is if she’d driven around to find it.
49. Maddie’s reading Moby Dick. All I can think about is this scene in “Carrie the Musical”, which I was in. Teacher: Class, brush up on your Moby Dick! We might have a pop quiz on Thursday. Classmate 1: Hehehe. DICK! Classmate 2: I’ll brush up on YOUR Moby Dick! (I hope they don’t mind I stole those jokes and posted them on here! Haha!)
50. A condom was found in the front seat of Maddie’s car even though she said that she was still a virgin by choice. Wait, so…Zack was having sex with another girl…in his girlfriend’s car? Is that the story they’re implying here? All guys can’t be assholes like that. Whenever they’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have sex, they have to fulfill their sexual needs somewhere else?! “Hi, my name is Zack and I’m addicted to sex!”
51. Even worse: by the sound of Maddie crying in the next scene, they seemed pretty close even though she didn’t even kiss him hello or goodbye during his one scene.
52. Maddie was holding onto the unicorn and had her forehead pressed up against it. Seriously. That’s a hazard. Someone could lose an eye if they’re not paying attention.
53. Oh! The condom could’ve been another guy’s and she’s worried that he used it on her. Zack was watching his brother that night. Okay. Sorry for calling you an asshole and a sex addict, Zack! Um…stay in school.
54. They discuss the possibility that she was raped, especially since she was too wasted to remember. It took “Switched at Birth” three-and-a-half years to talk about that fine line that is consent. They made a big deal about it because it’s still such a big issue, but this brand-new show is still only developing. I feel like it’s too soon to bring it up if it turns out it’s not a part of this character’s story.
55. Oh…my God…that’s why the guidance counselor is so invested in getting Maddie better… Okay, I’m starting to like this woman. But only in this show. I can’t forgive her for what she did on “Grey’s Anatomy”. We don’t even know her name in that show. I just know her as “Bitch-Who-Ruined-Cristowen’s-Marriage”. (Did they ever have a couple’s name? Or did people think that Yang would’ve hated the idea?)
56. “Nice to meet you, too…CYNTHIA…”
57. How does this teenager know about “believe you me”? I still don’t get how it’s grammatically correct, but it’s not a phrase often used nowadays. Shouldn’t she say “believe me” or “trust me”? I know we don’t know her very well right now, but I feel as if that term, in general, just doesn’t exist nowadays. I don’t know. It’s not my story.
58. Ooh, Cynthia digs out her phone right after talking to Maddie in order to talk to a secret someone who’s probably just using her to get to Maddie???
59. Just Maddie’s mom.
60. Mom: How could I not have known? Me: Does every mother say this whenever they catch their child doing something troubling? She’s saying it, my own mother said it, I think the mom from “Cyberbully” said it, too. It seems to be a very common parental expression in situations like this.
61. Aww…Maddie was a daddy’s girl.
62. How did the mother know to check Maddie’s locker? Maternal instinct? Or was all that drug paraphernalia found before she got busted and she was just never home to see it?
63. He’s gone for, what, a couple days, and he’s already fallen off the wagon? So I’m guessing that means he’s staying on the show.
64. Doug: You guys think you’re all so…fricking great. Me: Let’s face it. He would’ve said the other word, but this is ABC Family (soon-to-be Freeform, for some reason).
65. Wait, what was Cynthia doing with the roommate who stabbed her husband? Oh, never mind. Just another roommate who looks like her. I thought they were former AA buddies or something and they were catching up. Or doing other stuff. 😉
66. Never mind…Doug is probably going to be in jail. I doubt he’d live there again since it worked so well the first time.
67. Yay! She’s journaling! I love keeping journals!
68. Aww…she already has a family under that roof. She’s got a bike and Damian is gonna teach you how to ride the damn thing! They’re ALL teaching her! Even Craig! Why am I so excited about that?
69. So I’m getting the feeling that this Maddie is supposed to be like Callie from “The Fosters”: not necessarily a goody-two-shoes, but not completely bad either. She only wants to survive. This show will probably delve deep into the addict’s life and figure out how this character can stay sober through the people she lives with.

55 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×02: Help Wanted)

1. Natalie: Who are you visiting? April: My grandma. Gravestone: MOTHER, Lisette Smith. 1746 – 1810. Me: You were saying?
2. Beth’s response to her best friend having cancer is really powerful. Like, she wants to stay strong for her friend, but at the same time, she could still die if the odds weren’t in her favor. And then there’s her pleading April that she can’t die as if her own life depended on April’s. Go Aisha Dee!
3. Sara: Ben just sent me a message. Emma: Why doesn’t he use capital letters? April: That’s how people text. Emma: No, that’s how people write ransom notes. Me: This grandma though! Still being a mother even though her daughter can take care of herself and her own daughters.
4. You think those are actual cancer patients with their parents or just actors? “The Fault in Our Stars” included real-life pediatric cancer patients in the support group scenes.
5. Can I have a red jelly bean?
6. How many jelly beans did he have to buy in order to create those visuals, let alone sort them out one-by-one by color?
7. I wonder if the design of George’s walls is actually braille.
8. George: I can’t imagine how difficult it was to tell Sara and Brenna. April: Yes…it was hard to put into words…sure. Thank you for understanding, Uncle.
9. Raquel seems very nice…except you find out later in the episode that she’s actually covering her own ass, but this behavior actually helps April.
10. Ooh, Moroccan food.
11. Polite conversation about Brenna wanting to spend more time with her mother, and then they are interrupted by Sara’s phone. Caller ID: Brenna. #Busted!!!
12. Sara: Please don’t lie to me, Brenna. I’m done with the lies. Me: Does anyone ever START with them?
13. Just when she thought Brenna had her life together, she screws up. Parenting, eh? It’s a vicious cycle.
14. Female bonding time! Really, though. Raquel just wants April to become a successful reporter. If she has to challenge her in getting to a story first, then so be it. This is the good kind of competition! There’s motivation! Goals + motivation = success!
15. Raquel: Lawrence was telling me how you scored an exclusive with Richie Miranda the other day, and I’m guessing it involved some super-daring, possibly illegal activity? Me: No! April: No comment. Raquel: Good girl. Me: Oh…
16. Danny (as soon as Raquel leaves her office): I heard she speaks five languages. April: She is amazing. I have a total professional crush on her. Danny: I have a total UNPROFESSIONAL crush on her. Me: “And once, she punched me in the face…it was awesome.”
17. Dominic: Sorry, I can’t hear you. You’re gonna have to come with me into the elevator. The acoustics are better. (Oh, pulling off a “Grey’s Anatomy” makeout-in-the-elevator, are we? Then, date talk (DOMINIC COOKS!!!) and then he gets off the elevator and April says she can’t make it to dinner because of work.) Yeah, I still can’t hear you. See you tonight. Me: That’s cute, Dom. Another way to say you won’t take no for an answer.
18. Background music: When I heard your voice…Me: …in a dream! (I added a little “Smash” reference there for you guys still grieving over the end of that show.)
19. Aww…Kieran’s cool, too.
20. While April’s own mother doesn’t know about her cancer yet, Beth is taking over as the mother figure as far as her health goes. (Fun fact: Aisha Dee is actually one-and-a-half years YOUNGER than Haley Ramm, who plays Brenna.)
21. “Cancer Answers”. Cute. Is that an actual app?
22. Is George even allowed to take April on as a cancer patient? I mean, they’re still related no matter how estranged they are, and he obviously still cares about her.
23. Graham!!! He has tons to complain about, but not in the serious “my life is depressing” way. His life just sucks.
24. Graham: I’m just glad you didn’t open the beer in the blue bottle. Then, I’d REALLY be on suicide watch.
25. April: We don’t have to talk about George. It’s complicated. Dominic: I know I’m an entertainment critic, but I think I can follow a serious story. Me: Ooh. Self-diss.
26. Well, you’re not naked, April…right?
27. Again with the deceptive dialogue! Dominic is talking about the hangover, but April (and the audience) thinks she could’ve talked about the cancer.
28. How does calling Beth warrant three beeps on an iPhone? Is there speed dial or something?
29. Beth looked way too much into the whole cancer thing that she’s not being April’s best friend. I know you think this is the best for April, Beth, but as of that moment, she needs her best friend. In this case, you should probably listen to her before you go off listing cancer symptoms.
30. Brenna: Mom is making me get a job. I’d rather be grounded. Me: Oh, boo-hoo, you little baby! But, yeah. Me, too.
31. Emma: You know, I caught Pearl cheating during our last bridge game? I’d love to replace her. We meet every afternoon from 3:00 to 5:00. Me: Hint, hint. 😉
32. Emma: I do what I want because I’m the mom. Me: Oh yeah. People sometimes forget that because you’re the grandma. They forget that means you’re also someone’s mom.
33. More dialogue deception.
34. April: Okay, what are you talking about? Me: Finally!
35. Graham: Oh, goody! You know, it’s a good thing I got dumped last night or else there’d be a whole lotta people in this apartment. Oh, and we’re out of coffee! Me: Man, your life sucks, but it’s still not so bad because you sound so positive about it even though that’s just your sarcasm speaking!
36. (Singsong voice) Ra-quel stole your in-ter-view!
37. “But we were SOUL SISTERS!”
38. See? Only trying to make April a better journalist.
39. Both of those ladies took off their heels in order to race to the door. Bryce Dallas Howard, show ‘em how it’s done.
40. Hey, it’s Daredevil!
41. April: You’re Leo Hendrie. Leo: You one of my dad’s new interns? You guys hooking up? Can I call you “Mom”?
42. April: You can’t just leave. You just damaged that car. Leo: Aww, you’re such a good person. (Races away, showing off his mad motorcycle skills.) Me: So basically, he’s Ethan Couch, only he didn’t kill anyone with his risky antics.
43. Oh, look! Sean and Creepy Teen! How the hell are you guys?
44. Ford: She doesn’t need to be slut-shamed by you! (To Brenna) Not…that you’re a slut. Me: Nice save, but I don’t think she was too worried about what you thought.
45. There was no actual beat where Kieran decided to show Brenna the Chinese characters he was planning on tattooing Sean and Creepy Teen with. It seemed like he took out his draft just to stop the girls from leaving. I just didn’t see him thinking about it. The whole “what-are-his-character’s-intentions” thing that actors have to constantly think about wasn’t there. As a theatre major, I think that beat was significant and could have been taken advantage of in this scene. The vibe I got just wasn’t “I wanna make it up to you.” It was more like “Before I get to those girls, I should decide how to play this. The Chinese tattoos? Yes!” It just seemed too planned. There! That’s what I’ve been trying to say. Too planned and not deliberate enough.
46. “She’s purposely testing me.” Isn’t it “purposefully”? I mean, “purposely” IS a word, but I think that’s because it’s been misused so often they said, “Screw it, just make it a word and be done with it.” Not sure. That always bothered me though, whenever someone said “purposely”.
47. April: Lawrence, could I talk to you for a second? Lawrence: You’d save so much time if you just started talking. Me: Except it’d be rude if she interrupted your conversation and jumped straight into her own… Are bosses always that snarky? Besides, Lawrence, if you hadn’t wasted time explaining how much time she could’ve saved (which actually took more time than April’s line), the conversation would’ve ended much sooner.
48. Doing a story on Leo crosses a line? Ooh, I wonder what story could be brewing under the Hendrie household. Just kidding, I already know, but it’s revealed in a later episode.
49. Aww…he gave her the blue beer! Dominic, you’re such a sweetheart!
50. Oh yeah, NOW her name pops up. Natalie Ortiz.
51. This mother/daughter conversation is actually pretty realistic. I had a similar conversation like this with my mom. The topic was different, of course, but the language was there. Okay, it was through text, but still. The words sound eerily familiar, even the tone. Props to the writers.
52. I’m glad that Beth caught herself acting strange and not like a best friend in the same episode that she was told this news. It shows that she’s thought about it way too much, but at the same time, thinking about it made her realize that she hasn’t been a good friend to April ever since she made the announcement. Kudos to you, Beth Kingston.
53. Dude, isn’t that the same waiter as last time when Beth broke down about the cancer? I bet he’s thinking, Those girls…Yeah, not putting up with them this time.
54. “I don’t want to risk losing this job until I absolutely have to. Look, I’m putting my work first. You, of all, people should understand that.” Ouch, April. I know he pretty much abandoned your family, but that still stings. The glare that he gave you was appropriate.
55. Okay, so…he DIDN’T officially take her case? Why was he recording her medical case file then?

45 Thoughts I Had While Watching Chasing Life (01×01: Pilot)

1. April: I’m dying and the only cure is an interview with you. (Pretends to faint again.) Me: Nicely played, rookie.
2. April: Sorry, I get really awkward at emotional stuff and make inappropriate jokes. Me: I smile and laugh because I’m so awkward. I’m pretty sure your level of discomfort is appropriate.
3. Lawrence: Since when does anybody want to talk to the press?
4. Cute banter between two people who appear to be strangers, but turns out they’re BFFs. I’m still confused though: was April the previous manager until she got that journalism job or did Beth step down as a manager?
5. Emma (playing online bridge roulette): If I quit, my rating goes down and I will not be ranked lower than some fool in Indianapolis with a “Hello Kitty” avatar. Me: I love the grandma more than I love my own.
6. Brenna reminds me of myself, when I was the troubled teenager. I never partied, but was still a teeny bit of a rebel.
7. Sara: I’m thinking of joining one of those online dating services. Emma: You’re too young to date… If you ask me, you’re asking to end up in a body bag. Me: See? Isn’t she the best or what?
8. Dominic is really trying to be a gentleman, but April can take care of herself! It’s sort of sweet!
9. I’m sure that Italia Ricci (April) tried so many approaches to her response to “you have cancer”. I know I couldn’t have done better, but I still feel as if her performance was just acceptable. I’m starting to wonder if this could show that awkward part of April who shows up during the “awkward emotional stuff”.
10. It really is sucky timing. Her independent, adult life only JUST started. I’m having trouble even thinking about mine.
11. I just noticed that one of the long sides of the dining room table has a couch, except it’s an actual part of the house, not as if they decided to move a piece of furniture from the living room into the dining room. I know that’s common for restaurants, but isn’t that unusual for the actual home place? I don’t know though. I don’t often go to other people’s houses and analyze the seating arrangement.
12. April takes all her cancer rage out on Brenna. To get the last word in, Brenna says, “Someone’s on their period.” Shows the ignorance in youths, thinking we have all the time in the world to do what we want. Her only explanation for April’s emotional blowout is menstruation.
13. In the scene right after, April is in an elevator and staring at a red button that says, “Push for help.” Damn it. If only it had said “easy”, all your problems would go away. Come on, Staples. Where’s your cure for cancer? April’s in crisis mode here.
14. Mark, who was the superior for the sports section and had to meet with April to get her notes about Richie Miranda, called in sick so April is conveniently writing the article herself. The receptionist explains that “one of the floaters” (aka interns) gave Mark the flu. Then, she backs away from April, asking, “You’re not sick, are you?” Ah, a reference to the cancer that we know she has, but can’t tell anyone. She’s pretty sick, but don’t worry. It’s not contagious.
15. Danny: My career is, like, my life. April (after a dramatic beat where she puts her phone on silent so she isn’t distracted, and gets started on her Richie Miranda piece): Me, too. Me: Who are you talking to when you mutter like that? I know that you just wanted the audience to know that, but couldn’t that have been implied in a more realistic way? Like…NOT verbally? If I had said that, then my coworker would probably ask what I said. I’d at least have Danny respond to it since he’s not deaf. You’re getting confused with the other ABC Family show, “Switched at Birth”.
16. Aw, Bill is watching cat videos during his shift. And he got caught. Just like the ball. Lawrence, are you secretly feline?
17. Is it just me or does April really make you want to become a journalist? Sure, it’d be like writing a paper every day, but I love writing. That’s why I have, like, five blogs.
18. I know why April treats George with so much hostility, but he had her blood tested because he was worried that her fainting was about more than just the blood donation. He still cared enough about her to get that blood tested even if her loss of consciousness could’ve meant nothing. Couldn’t April have considered that during a bitch fest with Beth? Anyone who suddenly stops caring about you doesn’t suddenly start again.
19. Of course, the conversation that takes place between April and George in the stairwell is overheard by Dominic, so the writers conveniently intentionally leave out any important info that would avoid the mess made by Dominic.
20. At first, I thought it was just April’s cubicle that had the “FLOATER” tag on it as a joke or something, but I just saw Danny’s too. Why you gotta be like that, Lawrence?
21. Dude, how did that receptionist know that April was passing by the office when she’s so immersed in her chat like a teenage girl with a brand new flame?
22. Yay! Lawrence sees April’s potential as a real journalist, so he gave her a real, grownup assignment!
23. Is that what a party looks like? Random teenagers dancing and drinking? Dude, she said no to the tequila!
24. Teenage creep: What’s wrong? Brenna: Nothing… Teenage creep: Then why are you, like, shaking? Me: Because you’re invading her personal space and she just wanted to hang out with Sean who just went to hook up with another girl? Now, not only is she broken by jealousy, but you’re pretty much mentally undressing her.
25. Teenage creep: You’re a private school girl. Probably only spread your legs for your horse. Me: Okay, cruel, disrespectful of rich girls, and I definitely wouldn’t say anything like that in real life, but that was pretty good. As in smart in the idiotic way.
26. Brenna, do not drown yourself in alcohol. You don’t have to prove anything to that piece of garbage. If you leave now, you will never have to see him again and both of you will eventually forget the other. No? Just gonna chug that beer? Okay.
27. Nice…sweater, Mrs. Carver. Um…has that been in your closet long?
28. Sara: I’m going on my first internet date! You know that man you found me? My 79% match? He suggested that we just cut to the chase and meet up. And you know what? I figured “why not?” Me: Because he could be a serial rapist? I’ve seen Criminal Minds and those true crime shows! Don’t let Emma be right, Sara!
29. April: Now, take off the cape. Sara: It’s a poncho! April: Okay. Now, take off the poncho. Sara: It’s from Nepal! April: Don’t take this the wrong way, but it looks like it belongs on a donkey.
30. Beth: There you are! I thought you died! April: WHAT?! Me: So, basically, if anyone mentions death, she takes it way too seriously. That’s probably realistic, actually. Once you realize how limited your days have become, that’s all you can think about.
31. April: Do you think there’s a quiet place where we can talk? Beth: Wait, what?! Me: Of course. A cop car with its sirens on conveniently passes by Beth so she can’t hear a word that April is saying. And then, April gives up and meets her at a bar anyway. April, honey, you still had a chance to ask for a quieter place. It was just a cop car, not a rave.
32. Ooh, look! People in scrubs, taking the train! And they’re standing right in front of April, reminding her once again of DEATH!
33. April: Dominic just blew me off for no reason. It might have been my fault though—Beth: Stop it. Don’t do that girl thing where you blame yourself. Me: …I mean…hmm…don’t want to piss off any actual feminists here. Beth: You just need a rebound. Just pick a guy, any guy. I’ll make it happen for you. Me: I feel like I should compare this clubbing scene with that high school party scene. Basically, my question is: guys can’t be creepers to girls when they want sex, but girls can do it to guys when they want sex?
34. Could she not feel the nosebleed coming? Also, she seemed pretty out of it and was staring off into space where the drink wasn’t even in her peripheral vision. I sort of wanted her to take a sip out of the bloody vodka tonic. Is that evil?
35. Random girl (seeing April cleaning up her nose): You were partying? April and me: What? Random girl: I have cash. April: Oh uh, no. This isn’t from that. Me: What? Random girl: Fine. Don’t share. Me: What? (Yeah, it took another couple times watching that scene for me to realize that she meant drugs. Coke? Or could other things be snorted?)
36. Beth (about Dominic): Okay, he’s way hotter than his profile picture. Me: Ain’t that the truth? Anyone know if Richard Brancatisano has a girlfriend? I think he does. Anyone know how serious they are?
37. Douchebag boys playing around with a passed-out Brenna and the other girls in the room are just staring. Not watching. Staring.
38. I wonder if that’s an actual article about talking to your loved ones about cancer. Probably wasn’t before the show, but maybe someone posted the entire article after the episode aired. Just for the fans of the show.
39. Okay, I just skimmed the article. It was about how to cope with cancer once death is an inevitability in the near future. You’re not there yet, April. Your leukemia was caught very early.
40. Ooh…April just got caught watching her mother and the online boyfriend saying goodbye. How are you planning on being an actual reporter if you can’t be more secretive about your spying?
41. Exactly how does one cry on cue? That was pretty good, Italia. Brava!
42. April (talking to her father’s headstone): So it looks like I might be seeing you sometime soon. Me: April, don’t say that! April: And…don’t take this the wrong way… Me: “I really don’t want to.” April: …You’re gonna have to wait awhile. Me: I feel like this should’ve been the scene where she made that decision to fight the cancer. That way, when she’s like, “I might be seeing you sooner than I thought”, it implies that she hasn’t really decided what she wanted to do about it yet. Then, she could think about it for a couple beats and show that change in her face. Just build up some confidence and say, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to see you so soon.” And also, “don’t take this the wrong way” means there’s some kind of insult coming, but the next thing she said didn’t imply anything hurtful to him. And then, she says, “I’m not ready yet.” You’re not ready to die or to face your father? If they wanted to keep all of it, I would’ve written it this way: “So it looks like I might be seeing you sometime soon. (A few beats.) Dad, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to do that. I’m not ready yet. I’m going to fight this, so you’re gonna have to wait awhile.” (I think my playwriting shoes still fit.)
43. Also, are the carvings (haha Carver) on both sides of the headstone? Typically, people see the engravings as the front, so why would April be talking to him from behind? I get it, for the sake of telling the audience who she’s talking to, but you can have a camera angle behind her, too. Trying to understand the director’s choice there.
44. April meets a slightly younger, more badass version of herself, who we’re not supposed to know yet, but I’ve seen the entire show and I’m still not quite sure where I should stand on spoilers. She greets her as they’re passing, but what makes April stop and look back at her? I know she just told her that she was there to see her dad, but was she just looking at the similarities between herself and this other girl? What caused April to turn around and watch this other young woman?
45. Convenient, because DUN, DUN, DUH!!!!! “But that’s MY dad!”